Being terminal but still have many other life issues.

Hello Paul

Reading your post I understand you have lived a very private life - however, when we get diagnosed with cancer everything changes! - we realise that we all need each other and I think I you will find comfort and support on this site - feeling alone with cancer is not a place to be.

I wish you well and hope your journey is straightforward.  Take care carhy

Hi Paul, Of course it is not wrong to deal with your illness in your own way. I wish I had your strength/resilience but I need people to share things with. You seem to have done well being a senior manager and having your own business and while I respect that you don't want to talk I think you may be a good listener  as you seem to be a very tolerant person. So I hope one day you may want to  join us in the forum and share your opinion and advice without necessarily having to talk about yourself.  there may come a time when you want to share your feelings but it is fine if you don't. I appreciate your honesty but would like you to know that the people in the forum care and will be here for you if you ever change your mind. In the meantime I wish you well for the future and thank you for reading an opinion from a more talkative type!

with kind regards and warm wishes

Pat

Hi there I know about living a private life i am like you live on my own never asked for help off anyone always managed to sort out my own problems and stand on my own two feet work two jobs to support myself etc never had a sick day time off work and now this found accepting help so hard only have one best friend who is my soul mate and everyone on this site knows about her never leaves my side at chemo feels guilty going to the loo even on this site everyone cares and you are never on your own someone will contact you even on the darkest days I should know it's very important to put down exactly how you feel good or bad you will always get a response I have never been let down yet by anyone in this site don't like to face people strangers etc as I have huge anxious problems everyone knows that so please if you need a chat contact me xxx

Paul Ed,

There's nothing at all wrong with keeping it to yourself if that's the way you like it. I'm very similar, after 5 years in a senior business position I recently retired and many people at my retirement "do's" had no idea what I had dealt with over the past 5 years despite the fact that I have worked all the way through it.

If you do ever have questions or want to know how someone else's experience has been you only have to ask on here, it's completely anonymous and you've nothing to lose. You can always make a friend request to talk (again anonymously if you like) to an individual with similar thoughts as yourself.

I wish you all the best.

Derek.

Hi

Everyone deals with cancer in their own way.  I did not come on here until several years after my treatment finished;  and I only signed up to hopefully use my experiences of SCLC to be of help and hope to those who needed it. 

Forgive  me but can  I ask a question? If as you say you don't want to discuss your cancer in a group like this and you want to keep this disease to yourself, why did you make  the effort sign up to the On-line Community, join the Lung Cancer group and start a thread?  

Kegsy 

Hi Paul

I am sorry to read of your diagnosis. It really kicks us in the guts doesn't it? I note you speak about smoking, please take the focus off that. Not all lung cancer is caused purely by smoking (despite the judgement it gets). It doesn't sound like you yourself had much of a smoking history. Even if it was that? What is the point in closing the stable door when the horse is eating the neighbours grass eh?

I know you say you will not tell your wife what to do and that is good. But maybe you could come to some compromises of smoking outside, or just in one room or similar? I do sense some anger there from you about your diagnosis (we all get angry of course - it's normal). But sometimes resentment is better to try and let go a little, it only makes you unhappy but nothing any better.

That is the thing after a cancer diagnosis, we all feel like we loose all control of our lives. It is all dictated to us by the medical teams, but when you realise we still have choices, maybe not the options we would like, we do have some degree of control, it helps you move forward as best as we all can.

I completely get not wanting to join support groups etc too. I don't like them either. I have been to some tea mornings and things and because I am a little different to most of the people their, I find groups have already formed and I can sit there with no one to speak too. So I avoid. Though here I have found the place for me. I did not really come here for support originally, I came here to learn more about what I had been diagnosed with, the treatments, what it really meant for me. Macmillan at first for me was knowledge. Since then, I have made people on here that I consider good friends and I genuinely care about.

Nothing wrong with wanting to deal with things alone at all, though maybe you are reaching out to see if maybe some empathy might be of some help. However you want to do this, is right for you. Though I would say, and I am not a publicly emotional person at all, it really can help to talk, if you find the right person to talk too.

You mention other than your diagnosis, that you have many other life issues? Do you want to say a bit more on this? I am a little unsure what direction you mean this in?

Pleased you found us Paul, as others have said, we are all here if you need us. One of us will no doubt had a procedure, or treatment, or felt the way you do right now before.

Bloody excellent lovely realistic reply, really helping me, I'm a bit middle of the road n sometimes I reply on here sometimes I don't, but think it's important we Al know we got this group and each other :) 

Hi , My comment was to try to help those who live with this issue alone because there are a lot of people who dont want to hear the bad stuff . I believe that the mind can keep you going with the drugs etc.

I have faced death before and i only wanted to say that your own strength can keep you alive !

Thanks  

Hi there, facing death is not new to me , and i want to make the point that people who have this issue do talk to people. For myself i will deal with all the crap life hands out.

I am never anxious or worried cos i know thats how things are in life, at least i am not suffering like many others in this worl including children !

I have reached my age and intend to keep going on till it ends , many others dont ever get the chance.

Thanks

Paul

Thanks Derek , but the whole idea of my comment was to say that we are all different and so is the illness in all stages and medical help is individual so there is no sense in assuming we can all be the same to talk about it !

Paul