So CROSS!!!

Cancer frightens others ...with good reason...they often avoid or change the subject...we are used to dealing with it.

Debbie it is not just you.  Many of us patients come to recognise that partners/loved ones etc have an equally tough journey whilst we are in treatment.  Whilst I had some measure of control over what was happening to me, my wife just "hung on for the ride" trying to do her best for me and stressing because nothing seemed to be right.  Not her fault at all.  It is just the way things are.

All of us having been through these situations come to the realisation that some things are more important to be upset about than others.  Many things just need walking by whilst we do what is important to us.

I am sure your friend did not mean hurt and in her life maybe turnips are the most important thing right now.  Unless she has worn the T shirt she will never understand.  I hope he turnips survive to be eaten (the food of the devil!!) and you see the funny side of the conversation.  Remember to look after yourself so you are there 100% when your husband needs you. 

Hugs

Debbie N26 said:

  So if its you too - you are NOT alone! 

Oh so true! 
You are sharing your husband’s cancer. How dare the rest of the world go planting turnips, moaning about the weather, the children, the neighbours, the government when the love of your life has cancer!!!!!!!! How can the world not stop because yours has. 
At the beginning of my journey I asked myself what the answer to “Why me?” was. The answer, of course is “Why not me?” 
I used to think that friends dropped away because they were frightened of my cancer. I’m not too sure it’s as simple as that. They don’t know how to help so avoid helping by disappearing. It’s in the same vein that they prattle on about mundane things. I think we need to help them help us. 
Most of this probably makes little sense …. Sorry 

Hi Yours  not alone I was the patient and my husband often felt the end of my tongue I wasn't always nice to him so prepare for that one as well.
 l Yes it is a subject not many people can talk about, often they think I omg I’ll catch cancer if I talk to them.cancer the very word frightens people  

I kid you not some of us have been in here over 7 years and we’ve heard tales of best friends from school years not contacting and breaking all contact in some cases. But you can go on to make new friends in the most unlikely places we had a small group of us going through  treatment met in the radiotherapy waiting room and are still in touch. 

My hubby did everything for me he drive cooked cleaned got up in middle of night when my feeding tube needed setting up or I just wanted to talk. Best thing we did was I went into spare room that meant I could go,to bed when I wanted and wasn’t always disturbing  him, unless I wanted him to do something.
yes my sister in law used to moan at me over trivial things like her  washing wasn’t drying did I care no I didn’t.
hugs Hazel . 

Hi Debbie. This is a difficult time for you and your husband and not having any control over the situation makes it so much worse. No wonder you are feeling irritated/annoyed/upset. Cancer is such a life changing thing that those who have not experienced do not understand. One of my brothers was the worst. If I tried to tell him anything about my issues post treatment he would say things like 'well at least you are here'. No understanding or empathy whatsoever. Consequently I do not talk to him about it now although I do still talk to him but nothing deep and meaningful. People often just don't know what to say and it makes them feel uncomfortable. Their life goes on and they have their own issues which may seem trivial compared to a cancer diagnosis. 

It's great that you can vent your frustration here to people who get where you are coming from. Keep venting  here as it really does help. Make sure you take some time out for yourself as well. Go out for a walk or a coffee just to have a break. 

Lyn

I'm still for (mentally at least!) whacking them with a shovel!

ps- nothing much makes sense at the moment!

Ah hon, I’ve been there. Unless you’ve been through the whole cancer experience, people don’t understand. It doesn’t matter whether you are the sufferer or the carer it’s just all consuming. Nothing is funny anymore, nothing really has any meaning, life just gets put on hold. You can’t think about anything apart from cancer and how bleak the future might be. 

It’s completely understandable so don’t beat yourself up sweetie. Vent here. Let it out. We’re always here to listen and help whenever, however we can,

Hugs hon. Debbie from West Wales xxx

Finding this site has been very helpful, the only other thing that worked, as my group of friends (ALL on line now) didn't really include any cancer survivors which was a bit depressing,was watching Rhod Gilberts C4 documentary ' A Pain In The Neck'.  HH won't watch it but again, if just made me feel less alone, and also less despairing.  Are we allowed to put our facebook addresses on here?  I've written quite a bit about whats happened to us on there, specially the weeks of radiotherapy when we had to  be apart and navigate the thing solo.

Hi Debbie N26 

My name is Dylan and I work in the Online Community team. I'm so glad to see that you have been finding the site helpful. 

I just wanted to leave a quick reply here to let you know that our Community guidelines don't allow for the sharing of social media pages. This is to ensure the site remains anonymous. If you would like to connect with members privately, you can make use of the Private Message function.

If you have any question. please feel free to get in touch with our team at community@macmillan.org.uk.

Yes I also watched the program, very early days and decided it really wasn't something I could share with Jon. It made me cry

We did actually watch it just after his treatment finished, I thought it might help .... it just made us both cry