Almost a week since l completed my radio therapy, its slow, its sore and christ its frustrating. So yesterday I had the feeling something was brewing, just after lunch ( tasty nutritious shake) I began to feel as if the lid was about to come off. I call it Fin E.
Anyone reading this that has anything to do with the Tornado aircraft will immediately know what I mean. For those who don't the Tornado GR1/4 has a fuel tank in the fin 440kg to be exact, when full you get a Fin F light on the refuel panel ie FULL when empty you get a Fin E light ie Empty.
So yesterday I started to drain the tank, and this morning I hit Fin E, with a vengeance. Dropped the car off at the garage and strolled home in the rain (how refreshing that was) . I walked through the door and bang Fin E, I was OK until I saw my Wife and then the flood gates burst (don't consider myself to be an emotional person) but I held my wife like it was my last. We both had a good shed, I think the last few months just peaked and today was Fin E day. Must admit I feel a bit more on the level now, the feeling of uselessness has passed a bit, ready to face the next few weeks I think.
I said to my Sister today, I look more and more like our Dad, which is good except I I look like my Dad when he'd had cancer ( throat) so not by best comparison, but that's life I guess.
So a bump on the path, not sure if anyone else has been here, but this is my story and my journey. I hope this helps someone on
their journey . None of us do this journey alone or can we. We draw from those around us being strong takes more than just the individual, I think I need to remember that.
You are so right. If only the medical teams would tell us about the support services in place instead of us having to hunt around for ourselves. Maybe some do so no judgement.
Hi Lyn. I must say I was drip fed information and pointed to Maggie’s. I did have a F2F holistic assessment from MacMillan before treatment and looking back it was an excellent effort at offering to care for my mental wellbeing as well as the physical. I have never been a great one to share my feelings and I didn’t recognise it for what it was and dismissed it after only two sessions. I stumbled across the forum from one of their leaflets. I was so glad I did. I found it easier to do any sharing via a keyboard and had so much help from others. I could be honest here without collapsing in floods of tears. Facing any number of professionals I only once shed any tears and then was so ashamed of my lack of control I never did it again in public. I couldn’t even cry on my husband’s shoulder. How crazy is that? This group here saved my sanity.
Dani
Base of tongue cancer. T2N0M0 6 weeks Radiotherapy finished January 2019
