Im In a difficult situation where I still have a close relationship with an X partner who has just been diagnosed with head and neck cancer , we have known each other 14 years .
We see each other often each week.. He also has a long term x partner that equally cares about him who have known each other for 32 years
my X has a new partner of 4 years who is very controlling, and does not want him to have any real contact with his ex’s only phone or text, he does not what the X’s supporting my X to hospital visits etc.
However my x with the diagnosis feels very suffocated by his partner, and doesn’t not want him with him every day for 6 weeks treatment etc.
my ex has told him straight that their are other people in his life and family that want to support him, his sister and brother would like to support him as well, but my X’s partner says well we could go together and see them. But that’s the point my ex wants time with his X’s and family on his own so to have space .
My ex’s brother and sister do not like his most recent partner, and don’t want any contact with him, as he puts himself in a pedestal above anyone else. They do not consider him as part of the family, where the other two exs are.
its a difficult one, my ex has told him straight he can’t bear just being stuck with his partner for at least 6 weeks for treatment everyday . His partner tend to treat him as if he is his son, telling him what he needs to eat, and having strict times etc, when to be expected home etc
. My concern is for my ex and how he can best manage his situation especially when he starts his treatment in 16th Feb , my ex has said if he’s pushed to far he will be telling him, and if it ends the relationship so be it .. I’m concerned as to the extra stress it’s causing my ex partner. I’ve attended several of his hospital appts, I know to his partner as my ex wanted me to go with him.
We think his partner knows something, and is why his beginning to tailgate my ex , but what do you do ,?if my ex wants others to support him occasionally .
I’m sorry but I got lost with all the ex’s
The treatment is extremely challenging and drives many of us to despair at times so I can see how difficult it’s going to be for this patient having somebody he doesn’t trust as his sole carer.
All you can do is offer what support you can and what will be welcome. You certainly don’t want to be part of an army trying to drive the narrative.
Is there somebody completely unrelated who can mediate?
Dani
Base of tongue cancer. T2N0M0 6 weeks Radiotherapy finished January 2019
Hi Hammy53
How is your Ex doing? Has he started treatment yet?
Dani
Base of tongue cancer. T2N0M0 6 weeks Radiotherapy finished January 2019
Hang in there
Constipation can be a real problem. See if his team can supply him with Movicol or Laxido. I took two daily right through treatment and it kept me right
Make sure he takes everything the chemo team give him. The anti nausea drugs should help and if they don't there are alternatives. They always start us off on the cheapest ones
Dani
Base of tongue cancer. T2N0M0 6 weeks Radiotherapy finished January 2019
Thanks Dani much appreciated 
i think he’s struggling with the tiredness and wondered how you managed it ?
For me it was a question of accepting it rather than fighting it. My hospital told me to take a little exercise even if it was a turn round the garden. Some times I felt like I was wading through treacle. Most of the time I read, listened to music, watched tele and dozed.
There is absolutely no harm in taking it really easy. It’s not giving up or giving in, it’s being sensible.
There is nothing to fight. The doctors do the fighting. We just have to stay sane.
Give him a big hug from me. Tell him this doesn’t last forever.
Dani
Base of tongue cancer. T2N0M0 6 weeks Radiotherapy finished January 2019
Is your ex having chemo weekly or three doses two weeks apart?
Dani
Base of tongue cancer. T2N0M0 6 weeks Radiotherapy finished January 2019
