How do you make it through

Ty️️️

Hi Ty. My husband was a rock while I was going through treatment. He is very much  not in touch with his feelings and is always stoic. However when I was diagnosed with cancer he broke down and had a cry which is not like him at all. He said what would he do without me which was a sobering thought for both of us. However it was good for him to get his feelings out. It is a tough time emotionally as well as physically both for the patient and the partner. As the patient I have found that thoughts of recurrences do recede with time. I am involved in lots of activities as I find for me keeping busy does not let me think about recurrences. If these thoughts start to arise I try to become immersed in something I enjoy as it is difficult to think about 2 things at the same time. It works for me. I decided that no one knows the future so there was no point in wasting time worrying about it. I would let my consultant do that for me as I am still on 3 monthly reviews so he could pick up on any issues for me. I started to plan for the future. I planned a holiday, I planned what I would do during the week. Looking forward to something really helps. I got a new appreciation of life and my second chance. As the partner you will learn coping mechanisms too. It does get easier over time. You don't want to waste today and all the great things it can bring for you and your husband by worrying about a 'what if' that may never happen.

It is often recommended on this forum to go to your G.P. and ask about a short course of antidepressants. As well as this I found that talking really helped. If unable to access counseling through Macmillan your doctor should be able to help with a referral for some counseling through another avenue.

Lyn 

I feel exactly the same as you about my husband. He's had two post treatment PET scans that show the cancer has gone from his larynx and lymph node (which is great) but there is a 'nodule' on his lung. They say this is probably scarring from the radiotherapy but I get convinced it has spread to his lungs. I try not to let him know how worried I am as I don't want him to worry. He has to have another scan in a couple of months to see if there is any change. 

Sorry, I know this doesn't help but I just wanted to let you know you are not alone in how you feel. I get so scared for the future. I was lucky in that I had emergency support from my local mental health team when he was first diagnosed as I just fell apart. I did get stronger while he had his treatment but all the dark thoughts and tears are coming back due to the uncertainty. I know I need to get support again. You must do the same. 

Take care x

Hi Jane, I feel very much the same as you at the moment. I am more tearful now even though they are happy with my partners scans and scope than I was when he was going through treatment. They did say he has lots of inflammation, he’s throat is still sore even though this is week 12 post treatment. I am not sure if this is normal? I know your husband had a similar larynx cancer to my partner so I was just wondering if he still had throat pain at 12 weeks? It really worries me. 

Sunshine38 said:

I am not sure if this is normal?

It is. My cancer was different but the target was my throat. I was still on morphine at 12 weeks. Many of us have pain for months. 
Treatment failure is very rare. 

Thanks Dani. My partner is back with ENT now for regular scopes as he cannot do the Evolve trial as he didn’t meet every criteria!! I was a bit more happy that he was going to be watched by Mount vernon but now he’s back at the local ENT. Just a lot to take in. 

Hi Sunshine

I had chemoradio for stage 2 tonsil cancer....12 weeks is normal for throat pain...gradually lessens ... after 12 months I still had tender areas....our mouths and throats took a hammering....for me some areas are still sensitive even after 21 months of finishing treatment.

Peter

Thanks Peter. It is just so scary. All of you guys on here have been so helpful. 

Don't worry, my husband finished his treatment at the end of August and he still has throat problems. When they looked down his nose/throat in February they said there was a lot of inflammation. His voice can get quite husky at times which makes me anxious but they are confident that the cancer on his larynx has gone so I try not to fret too much  

Sorry, I meant to say, it is great that they were happy with your partner's scans!