Coping with so many emotions after mom's diagnosis

FormerMember over 4 years ago

3 replies
48 subscribers
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Hi all,

It's been 2 weeks since my mom was diagnosed with terminal cancer of the oesophagus. It's completely shook me up. I am a mother of a toddler myself and extremely close to my mom. I am struggling with so many emotions and I really don't know how to deal with them. I'm angry at the world for this happening to us, I'm bitter about the fact this has been put on our family, we are not ready for this. My mom is the back bone of our family. I'm unbelievably sad, I am drained from so much crying. Its all so difficult to deal with. I feel very overwhelmed. I feel as though I have 2 personalities at the moment; the one I am around my mom trying to keep positive and keep spirits up and the one when I walk in the door, exhausted from being the other personality. I now can't see mom for 18 weeks due to shielding because of covid, and I'm devastated, and also bitter about the fact covid is snatching so much time away from us being with her.

I have amazing friends, a really amazing supportive partner and my dad and brother are fab too, but I'm carrying the emotional load here, wearing my heart on my sleeve, my brother doesn't deal with stress well and his way of coping is to say nothing. As the oldest sibling, I carry the worry so much more, for him and for me.

Mom's diagnosis came very much out of the blue as there was no signs or anything of her feelings unwell so to be dealt the hand of 'they found a tumour, to cancer to terminal' all within 2 weeks, it's been extremely intense.

I'm going on a 10 day break to visit In laws in a few days to which I feel guilty for going but mom is forcing me still to go and I'm terrified return to see what she will be like when I'm back. Doctors told her she will lose her hair within 2 weeks of starting chemo which she started on Thursday. It's all just happening very quick and I'm not ready for any of it!

I feel like I'm going to be sad and broken forever!! X

LoobyLou49 over 4 years ago

Hi , I'm sorry to hear about your mum. Pushing you away to see your in-laws is just what my mum would have done. My husband said it was easier for me going through it than it was for him to watch, and I can see what he means. When you're the one who is sick you just get on with it, but my husband has two cancers and is suffering and now I'm watching the pain so I can see it from both sides. I was also devastated when my mum died and I know what you mean about feeling 'sad and broken forever'. It's a shock to see them when they've lost weight and look ill, but the fact that your mum insists you go away shows how strong she is, like my mum was.

I don't think any of us are 'ready for any of it'. Cancer is a horrible disease and hits the loveliest of people. It's years now since my mum died at only 57 and I still talk to her every day and think of what advice she would give me in tough times. Even now, sometimes I still cry, but as an emotional person I need that outlet. You will get through this, hang in there, and hug your mum every chance you get when you get back home.

Love and hugs,

LoobyLou
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FormerMember over 4 years ago in reply to LoobyLou49

Hiya.

Thank you for replying. Makes me feel less lonely.

Everything you have said there is exactly how I feel. It's really hard and I feel as though I'm grieving already.

I hope you're well and I'm sorry you're going through this with your husband too. It's really hard and takes its toll on everyone doesn't it?!

Stay safe x

FormerMember over 4 years ago

Hi lorzie.

My dad was diagnosed with cancer last December and died May 1st. I feel your pain as soon as I read your post. For me it was devestation at first and anxiety at thought of losing him. But as time progressed I focused on caring for him. Right to the end really.

I did everything I possibly could to try make things easier for him. I'm sure you will be strong and do the same.

It's hard to imagine what's coming but for me the emotion comes from diagnosis then afterwards you will be pleased to see your mum out pain and to be by her side til the end.

I found inner peace and strength by being there as much as I could.

Yes it was heartbreaking. But.. We managed to have laughs with my dad even at the later stages. It's these moments if you have them with your mum that you will treasure afterwards. And to be honest I don't remember the bad moments.

I hope you can find peace in yourself during this illness that I could.

As long as you can be there for your mum you will have no guilt.

I also found talking on this site a help knowing that I wasn't the only one with going through losing a loved one.

Keep strong lorzie x

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Coping with so many emotions after mom's diagnosis