Not coping well

So sorry to read this post it’s not a easy journey I’m glad that I didn’t see any scans and they didn’t show me the size of my tumour but it must of been fairly large as I couldn’t eat at all and had I jej feeding tube ! Once you get the staging and a plan you just have to take it one day at a time don’t try to think too far ahead. 

a lot of us on here have been in your shoes and come out the other side ! It’s a year today since I had my surgery so I know it’s not easy just try to stay positive even if it’s just for your family as how you cope with it will determine how they cope !! I believe the macmillan help line are great this may be an idea to talk to them ! Tricia xx

IanT, you are in the right place to say how you are feeling, as dibden doll said, we are out the other side, i still remember the guy coming in after the endoscopy and saying i am pretty sure its cancer, things will move quickly, but you are on the path for treatment.  the waiting is ridicolous what it does to your mind, let alone the physical side, mentally mine was the bigger issue.  But you arent alone honestly

once you have discussions, they will usually grade it, size etc, then going on all the treatments us lot have been through, there is chemo, radiotherapy and surgery.  none of it is easy, but you will get through it, even if its like you havent been in the room.  We cant always be positive, god knows ive had some days, so dont apologise for that.  i had mine pop up after my breast cancer treatmet finished, i thought well we did it once, this little s**t is another level, but that is why you will be under the right team that do this all day long.  If they offer you a feeding tube, i would say take it, i lost weight that i didnt have to lose, and being bottle fed by the NHS gave me 1500 calories a day

Any question you have just shout it out on here, more than one of this new "family" will have first hand experience and support.

I kept lists and questions, half the time i came out with my husband thinking what the hell just happened.  Stay off Google, The support, honest good advice and previous experiences that i had from this "family" from people that were where you are now, the ones that have been there, seen it and wearing the scars and t-shirt, when the people nearest didnt know what to do or say, got me through a hell of a lot.  

Sending hugs and strength, you will be amazed how flipping deep you can dig, without even realising you are, just keep asking, we are all here, even in the hours where the brain wont turn off.

jules

Thank you, insight from people who have been through this is helpful.  Ive always feared something like this. I lost my Dad when he was 59, twenty years ago so it changed my outlook on life and made me fearful I would die young and now this.  It's the limbo at the moment, the waiting and not knowing but thinking it's spread etc, just overthinking everything.  Getting myself too worked up, probably need to reach out to the helpline but don't know where I would start.  Time is passing so slowly since the Gastroscopy.  Thank you for your words and advice.

Thank you Tricia, I think I need to pick up the phone and speak to the help line.

Hi IanT. All of us that have been through this will tell you that the diagnostic stage awaiting tests etc is the worst part of the process from the mental viewpoint. Please stay away from Google.  Lots of us have got through this and are here and available to give our support to those like yourself who have just received this news of cancer.  It will not be easy but you can get through it as well. If you come back onto the site when you have your proposed treatment route you will be able to get some better focused comment from those who have followed the same path. I hope things go well for you and your family. My story is in my profile.

Hi Ian I obviously don’t know what cancer your father had but all I can say is that cancer treatment has come on in leaps and bounds in the last 20 years and in my experience the treatment you get is second to none ! Please hang in there and stay off Google !!! 

• I'm trying, these forums are much better than Google for my mind and obviously any statistics are based on a wide range of differences.  My Dad had mouth cancer, never smoked and not a big drinker, just the odd glass of wine once in a while like me.  I've picked up a bit since this morning, seems to be a pattern, mornings are bad, pick up during the day then start going downhill in the evening as the pain kicks in and I start overthinking..

Thank you and I will.  I had some semi positive news this afternoon when I called the consultants Gastroenterologist secretary and he called me straight back.  The cancer is confirmed as Adenocarcinoma but there is no distant spread. Local spread to 2 lymph nodes but he couldn't tell me the T number so currently T?N1M0. He said he could not confirm the T and the specialist cardiologist needed to confirm and that I will need a PET scan ?? So still in limbo and don't know if it's Stage 3 or 4 depending what the T is graded at.

Glad you had some positive news mine was adenocarcinoma and I had a endoscopyX 2, CT scan, CT PET scan, ultrasound endoscopy and then a laparoscopy before definitive staging which was T3N0M0 so hang in there !, 

Ian, your reactions are only natural. The first week or so after my husband's gastroscopy revealed that he had cancer we were both fearful and in a state of shock. The waiting and wondering seem to go on forever, but once you know where you stand and have a treatment plan hopefully you will feel calmer and be able to come to terms with it. With support from your loved ones - and people here - you will find the strength to deal with it. As Dibden Doll said - hang in there! We're all behind you. x