Wife diagnosed with secondary breast cancer, our story so far

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Hi there beautiful people,

My amazing wife was diagnosed with secondary breast cancer back in May, this was discovered after attending a 5 year check up with the cancer team. She battled stage 2 HER+ with lymph node involvement almost 5 years to the date. At the 5 year appointment she mentioned a pain in her shoulder they recommend that it be checked over to rule anything suspicious out.

After receiving a PET scan the results came back and it wasn’t good news, they said you have cancer in your shoulder, liver and lymph nodes which are all incurable, after many scans, tests and biopsies we attended another appointment where they said it had also progressed to her lung but all of the areas were the same type of cancer as her initial breast cancer HER+ so could be treated with one set of drugs.

She started with an oral chemo tablet daily for 3 weeks then a week off, hormone injection every 4 weeks and bone strengthening injection every 4 weeks. She has been coping very well and looks extremely well.

Anyway she has had her first CT scan 3 weeks ago and we attended to get the results yesterday only to be told that the initial drugs are not working and everything has progressed, the next step is chemo therapy.

She has been the strongest and most positive person I have ever known through all of this where I have been so scared, yesterday’s appointment has really knocked her as we were hoping the first line treatment would have worked for a period we are now both really struggling and thinking the worst.

I am not really sure why I am even writing this I guess I’m looking for a little bit of hope out there from this awful situation.

I know everyone reading these posts must be on their own  journey I hope and pray for positive outcomes for everyone.


  • Hi MikeyC

    Welcome to the forum and I am sorry to hear that your wife has been diagnosed with Secondary Breast Cancer and that the regime they put her on hasn't worked.  It's perfectly understandable that you are both feeling scared and fearing the worst.  There is a couple of other forums you could join as well as this one.  There's the family and friends forum where you can get support from other family members whose loved ones are going through cancer treatment and there's the carer's only forum where you you can get support from others who are caring for loved ones going through treatment.  Here's the links for both of those forums:  Family and friends forum , Carers only forum .  Your wife might also benefit from joining this forum and the breast cancer forum should she wish for further support herself.  Here's the link to the breast cancer forum: Breast cancer forum .

    Wishing you the your wife the best of luck with things going forward and hopefully the new drugs will work for her.

    Best wishes


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  • Hey Daisy53,

    Thanks for taking the time to reply to my post. I will certainly check the additional links you have sent through.

    warm regards 


  • Hey Mikey,

    We are going through a pretty similar situation right now with metastatic breast cancer, but rather than liver and lungs, the cancer is spreading through my wife’s skin.

    She was on oral chemo for over a year and has since been switched through 3 different intravenous chemos, none of which have improved the situation, with the most recent giving her mouth ulcers meaning it has been difficult to eat, drink and even talk.

    That being said, it’s the only chemo that has really affected her physically, she generally looks and acts well when people see her, so everyone thinks she’s “doing well” with the cancer.

    We have three boys, 16, 15 and 13 - what ages are your kids?

    We just keep hoping that a chemo works and keeps the cancer at bay for as long as possible, but you just don’t know!

    Sorry, not really positive news as such! Just thought you’d like to know if another family in a similar situation.

    Happy to chat!


  • Hi There Al,

    Sorry to hear about your dear wife, and thank you for sharing your experience. We do not have any children together however I have a 25 year old daughter whom my wife loves like her own.

    My wife is 48 and I am 47 we feel relatively young to be going through this awful situation that said I guess there’s no right age to be faced with such a challenge, like everyone it came as a complete shock.

    My wife is a total legend she has taken things in her stride and at times I have just fallen to pieces. It is a really hard situation to come to terms with I’m guessing you have the same / similar feelings to me.

    We had a wobble last weekend when they said the treatment isn’t working but trying to re-group and get ready for the next battle ahead.

    I hope that you and your children are coping well.

    Happy to chat also, it’s a situation no one understands unless your living it.

    Take care 


  • Thanks Mikey.

    yeah, it’s tough. My wife was admitted into hospital today with sepsis. Scary…

    im 47 as well and my wife is 44. Happy to chat as needed in both directions.


  • Hi BigAl1976

    I'm sorry to hear that your wife has been admitted into hospital with sepsis.  I was admitted into hospital with sepsis last month.  I was given IV Antibiotics and made a full recovery.  I hope she feels better soon.

    Best wishes


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  • Hi Al,

    Sorry to hear that, it must be very worrying for you all. I hope that your wife makes a speedy recovery.

    I can’t imagine how you feel, it adds more uncertainty to an already stressful situation.

    My thoughts are with you and your family.

    Warm regards 


  • Hey Al,

    I just wanted to reach out to see how your wife is getting along, Hope that your all doing well.

    Warm regards 


  • Thanks Mikey, that’s really kind.

    Shes actually feeling a lot better now, very tired and aches a lot but is able to eat again as her mouth ulcers are reducing which is really positive.

    Oncology appointment tomorrow and honestly, I think they are going to talk about stopping the chemo, but hopefully they just postpone it by a week or two.

    How are you and your wife doing?


  • Hey,

    Glad to hear she’s feeling better, hopefully the treatment is a short term pause and I hope your appointment goes well tomorrow Fingers crossed

    Were still waiting for a treatment plan which is sending us a bit mad to be honest we’re in limbo, my fear is when there’s no treatment things can progress further, but we just have to ride it out.

    My wife has a call with the oncologist on Monday and hopefully they will give some dates to get moving.

    Other than that we’re in the same boat, trying to live a normal life when everything feels bleak.

    Anyway good luck to you guys for tomorrow my thoughts are with you.