Tearful, scared and full of dread

Hi Mary,

I don't have much advice on how to deal with the feelings sorry.  I just wanted to share that I have been feeling exactly the same, especially yesterday.   You are not alone.  I am feeling a bit better today though.  It's an emotional roller coaster!!

I found it early due to getting a cyst checked out. I had a lumpectomy and lymph node biopsy last week.  My next appointment is the 10th Jan. 

I hear you when you talk about guilt, but we have still been dealt a massive blow! We've had surgery,  we are waiting on results to confirm treatment plans, we are in pain mentally and physically, so it's OK to have big feelings.   I'm just taking each day as it comes and trying to call on my support network when things get tough.

I'm sure we'll do our best over Christmas with whatever our plans are, but if we struggle that's OK too in my opinion. 

Wishing you a speedy recovery x

Hi SJ40

thanks for the kind words. I know everything you’re saying is so true. I’m trying to tell myself all will be ok and if it isn’t I will deal with it. The waiting is the worse I think. The not knowing Hopefully I’m just feeling teary today and it’s going to pass. I will be positive

wishing you all the best and the results you’re hoping for on 10th x

Hi, just wanted to add that I felt exactly the same after my lumpectomy as well. You are definitely not alone in feeling this way. The whole thing is a massive shock and it's the waiting that is really hard. I started off feeling ok but as I got closer to my follow up appointment I had convinced myself of the worst.

Just to give you some hope, that was a year ago for me. The follow up was fine and just had the results of my mammogram 1 year after surgery and that was good too. Xx

Sending you a big virtual hug to help you get through today x

Hi Mary

i felt just like you. I had a lumpectomy and full node clearance - as had gone to 2 of my lymph nodes on 6th Nov. I had my results 3 weeks after and they’d removed 10 lymph nodes in all - cancer was on the two nearest my breast. They said this was good as would be more of a concern if tit was the two furthest. Assured me it hadn’t spread. My margins on the breast weren’t clear tho so I had to go back in and have a shaving. This has come back clear so no more surgery. Just waiting to hear if I need chemo - another wait. I too like you couldn’t stop crying both before and after surgery. I assumed as I had it in my lymph nodes ,!it had spread, but my surgeon assured me that wasn’t the case. I had a sickness and tummy bug two days after coming home and was convinced that meant I was riddled with it and felt very sorry for myself.  I was convinced this would be my last Christmas. You’re not alone how you feel, it will pass and you will feel stronger. I’m sure it’s having to cope with the mental stress of the ‘C’ word and recovering from surgery. You will feel better slowly. I did once I had my results and knew it wasn’t there anymore. The thought of having cancer inside me was terrifying. I didn’t feel ill or unwell so how could I have it? I’ve felt lots of different emotions since starting this journey from crying, to angry-why me!, to positive, to numb……..the next step for me is waiting to hear if i need chemo - like you say the waiting is awful.

Really hope you have positive news - sorry if I’ve waffled on. And if you need to cry, have a good cry - it will slowly get easier. Xxxx

Apologies for my spelling and grammar -  I’ll blame it on not reading through my reply before pressing send and cancelling my eye test because of surgery!!
new glasses in the NY!!

Hi New Journey.
what a lovely message. Thank you. Hearing from people does make a big difference. It is the C word. Like you say it does give you so many emotions. You give me hope. I’m trying to be strong for my family. My husband is a mess and worried sick. I’ve try to reassure him and then I need reassuring myself. I’m getting that from this site. I hope you also get the results you are hoping for. Have a lovely Christmas break 

• Hi 2 black cats. 
  congratulations on your latest mammogram result. This is what we all want to hear. I’m so happy for you. Thank you for the reassurance 

It is tough on our families too. I remember my hubby’s face when we got told i had Cancer. He just froze and stared straight ahead, I’m sure he held his breath too.
He’s the sensible one normally, who always knows what to do and how to sort things out. In that room I felt more upset for him than for me. We’ve kind of got back to normal at the minute, surgery done and recover lol and can almost forget about it - least til after Xmas.
Hope you have a good Christmas, enjoy and treasure each day - especially with little ones.

I do miss mine being so little lol xxx

Hi Mary glad that your surgery is over, I was exactly the same. I was focusing on the surgery to get the cancer removed , and was so relieved  when I had the surgery, a few days later I started worrying  that the biopsy result would come back positive and the cancer may have spread. No two days were the same for me  one day I was really positive next day I was really tearful. I think this time of the year makes you more emotional as well. I'm feeling a bit better now  that's 2 weeks post op not got a date for my results yet. Feeling good otherwise have been completing my exercises  and begining to feel more like myself .