Results next week but told it’s cancer

Ok. I feel your pain. Totally

the mum guilt is a huge one. My youngest also 14

so….. here’s my thoughts as I’m 10 weeks ahead of you (wow how did that happen)

your kid (s) will be fine. They will amaze you. You will feel so much better when you’ve told them - I left that until I had a plan in place.

there will be a plan. You will feel so much better once you know the plan

you won’t necessarily need chemo. There’s a lot of missing info …… if it’s estrogen positive and no nodes involved likely you won’t. Even if nodes involved they might do an oncotype test and you won’t need chemo

if you do need chemo - I’m don’t have personal experience - but you will cope and there are lots of drugs/ people to help smooth that journey

if you need operations (I ended up having three!) honestly it’s not a massively big deal. You will be home unloading your dishwasher before you know it (somewhat disappointingly!!)

I am NOT trying to play it down - IF you get the news you fear - it’s huge and life changing. But pleeeeease be assured that your kids will be fine. Essentially as long as you are straight with them (when it suits YOU to be)  and practical and basically around (even in your dressing gown) they will cope. They might even surprise you by emptying the dishwasher once in  while

the waiting is honestly the worst bit. It drove me mad……try to keep busy and positive and don’t Google because it’s only drama out there…..

Also don’t be afraid to tell your team you have a concert that you need to go to - they just might be able to plan around it. You never know. They are super sympathetic 

Thank you so much for replying - yes I made the mistake of googling at first but my husband soon stopped that ! 

It’s so easy to fall down the rabbit hole if thinking it’s the worst time and they are going to blast me with everything going , but you are right in that until I know the plan .. I just don’t know . 

how did your 14 year old react to the news ? Mine has huge health anxiety as she’s just coming up to the five year mark from recovery from a bone tumour in her femur , she’s been through the mill bless her and I feel that just as she’s hopefully going to get the all clear I’m about to dump this on her . 

I blame myself too , I haven’t looked after myself the past ten years (I’m 52 in two weeks ) life has been so stressful with a divorce , my daughters illness then both my parents , I’ve been beating myself up about it a lot and wondered if it had caused my heart problem . Annoying that just as I finally hit a healthy living drive , this happens !

how are you recovering from your surgeries ? Do you have a further plan ? My breast surgeon said there was no doubt it was cancer and the breast nurse told me to make sure I wasn’t alone at the follow up , it feels so surreal 

not sure I’ll be unloading the dishwasher , I’ll be using it as an excuse to get out housework , at least for a few days !  

If it’s any consolation I sort of have looked after myself and still got breast cancer - so I have a weird anxiety / annoyance about what was the point of all that?!! 
you can’t win trying to deal backwards. It’s just bad luck. That’s all.

we can only think about looking after ourselves going forward

honestly they reacted ok. Stunned. Took about 24 hours to sink in. I gave some of their  close friends parents the heads up which meant their friends knew without them having to find the words to tell them - they were a bit cross I did this, I think they were embarrassed…..but in the end I think it worked out ok. I have amazing guilt I trashed their summer and gave them a burden, but I made sure I kept a reasonably brave face on (did cry when I told them though! )  

also make sure you tell school too they are all over this stuff 

I’m ok. Waiting for radiotherapy dates and just started letrozole (hormone blocker). Feel back to normal currently. Long may that last

It’s even more annoying when you feel you’ve looked after yourself ! 

I’ve always eaten well , didn’t drink , gave up smoking at 22 .. but always lived in my nerves.. life was always stressful , especially when I was nursing , then just seemed to escalate over the last 12 years , burning the candle at both ends. 
Ah well I can’t undo it now ! 

I’ll definitely let school know .. although I’m not convinced they’ll be supportive . We will see! 

Im glad you are feeling normal ish for now , definitely long may that last ! 

I’ll probably cry too when I tell my daughter and 20 year old .. although I’m crying a lot at the moment due to the hrt comedown ! 

I’ve 3 other grown up kids, I’ve told my eldest daughter and she’s been supportive but sadly lives 4 hours away the same as my two other grown up children . One week until d day then at least I’ll have some facts to give them 

Sounds like you’ve spent a lot of time looking after other people 

good luck with looking after yourself!!

yes we haven’t discussed the hrt comedown! That’s a thing.

dont be thrown off by next weeks meeting being not the absolute full picture and needing maybe another scan or something. I think it’s normal. They will know alot though. 

one step at a time…..

The hrt comedown is a beast ! 

Yep I’m fully expecting a whole heap more tests and it seems that quite often diagnosis changes after lumpectomy too .. I just want to know what cancer it is so I can try to prepare mentally

In my personal experience the initial biopsy was accurate in telling me that it was lobular and estrogen positive her2 negative. So the basic plan was based off that and hasn’t actually changed hugely 

what changed was - it was slightly bigger that original scans and in one node which the original scans hadn’t seen. I think that’s because it’s lobular which is notoriously hard to spot. That’s when they gave me the oncotype test to see if chemotherapy was justified. And a blood test to assess if I was pre or post menopausal - which is useful for interpreting the oncotype results and drug choices going forward

turns out I’m post menopausal and never even noticed it was happening. Thankyou hrt

That’s reassuring - thank you .. 

Ive no idea if I’ve gone through the menopause tbh ! I’ve only been on hrt 18 months .. I’ll soon find out . 
Just had a huge panic attack as received a text to say my results appointment on the 12th has been cancelled! The text says if I’m not expecting this then it means it’s being rebooked . 
I had a three day trip to visit my mum booked 11-14 (staying in air bnb) and was able to change it to 8-11.. what’s the betting they’ve brought my appointment forward to Thursday or Friday

I’ve heard lobular is a sneaky little toad in that it can hide away quietly .. I’m glad your diagnosis didn’t change too much .. not that any of us want THIS diagnosis .. but we just have to plod along with it x