New diagnosis

Hi jodo72, sorry to hear your diagnosis, try not to be angry with yourself, the anxiety is horrible. The MRIs are scary but know as weird as it is you’ll get through it and it will help tremendously in what you have ahead, take a deep breath and try your best to relax and go somewhere else in your head, it’ll be over before you know it. In terms of your son, I am a single parent to a 12 year old. Each child is different but I told my child the truth, by and large, kept away from grades and too much detail but said it was breast cancer, I’d need chemo, I’ll loose my hair, need an operation and that it would have done difficult times but that there are lots of treatments and my prognosis is good. I told her she would always know the truth about what was going on so she could trust me, not what other people think,  we’ll get through it.

Now I’ve finished chemo 7 weeks ago I’m glad I did that. They over hear conversations, they hear of celebrities with cancer, people make well meaning comments, often when people leave they try and be covert in front of the kids and say things like, well, stay well, keep in touch, I know you can do this, or similar! That is enough for them to know something is seriously wrong. Or they tell a friend at school and get told my aunt died if that, kids don’t filter well. My daughter knew about it and was involved and informed and she’s benefitted from it. I hope that helps, all kids are different though and always remember, you know what’s best for your child. Follow your gut instinct.

School is a hard one. I’m having surgery on the 20th and have been told to keep her off so she’s homeschooling. She did attend school while I was on chemo apart from 4 weeks when her school had a large covid outbreak, so I kept her home then. If you’re having surgery soon your consultant may advise he is kept off. Make a list of questions to ask the next time you see your breast surgeon or oncologist, I keep a list in notes on my phone as things occur to me. I also work in a school, an LSA and I was signed off throughout chemo and until after my operation due to infection. Most school workers are off although there are a couple on here who have worked through. I commend them because I have to be honest and say I could not have worked during chemo!! I managed my day to day life fine, mostly, some hard days in there but I have managed but I don’t think I’d have coped with the full on, fast paced, quick thinking, lovely craziness of a primary. Being off also meant I could actively home school my daughter when it was required, made me feel less guilty. Well I’ve waffled on enough but I hope it helps! 

Hi

The MRI is horrible and noisy and uncomfortable. I spent the time with my eyes shut and counting in my head. 

I would consider the home schooling especially now. Until your treatment is planned you won’t know in which order things will happen. It may be surgery first (mine was) and better not to have to put it off 7 weeks. I had a pcr test done  3 days before surgery and they wouldn’t do it until a negative test result was recorded. 

Hope I’ve helped x

Thank you so much, it was really helpful to hear that someone agrees with me keeping my son home.  He is 10 and because I work in a school, he spent the whole of lockdown in school too.  I am not worried about him falling behind, I know he will catch up.  But as you said, the thought of having to move things to 7 weeks, when all I want to do is get started, is too much.. Especially as this is actually something I can have a bit of control over.

Thank you again. x

Thank you so much.  I am in awe of how strong you are, hopefully, I will get there too.

The Dr told me not to go back to school, because of covid and when I asked him about my son, that's when he said that if I catch Covid, my op would be put back 7 weeks.  I appreciate your honesty with your daughter and will try to go that route too.  My son is very sensitive, but I can tell he is slowly picking up the vibe in the house.

My Headteacher has been amazing and told me not to even think about school, so like you, it will give me the time I need to home school my son. 

I don't know yet if I am going to have Chemo, Radiation or hormone therapy.  I will know that next week after MRI results, but I have been told I will have the Op first. 

Thank you so much for your feedback.  It is amazing how listening to the experiences of others, does help.

Jo. x

Hi jodo72, 

I also have a 10 year old son & have decided that I will keep him home after the Christmas break just whilst I complete my chemo because of covid rates being so high. When I told him about my diagnosis in the summer, I found some helpful videos on YouTube of kids explained to kids about cancer, we watched a couple together & also spoke about anything he wanted to ask, I honestly have been blown away with how he has handled everything.

good luck with everything, please don’t be angry with yourself re appointment I needed a sedative just to get my biopsy results!! 

lots of love xx 

Thank you And80.  I think my biggest fear is getting upset and crying infront of him.  I have read that this is OK, but I worry about that.  I will have a look at the videos, that seems like a really good idea.  Thanks again.  Jo. x

I think they get a better idea with an mRI scan 

after mine they decided chemo first to shrink my tumour

Depends on what type of BC you have too, if invasive, insitu , lobular etc 

I got a lot of documents after my ultrasound, but after my MRI scan they could size them tumour better , did you receive info and booklets on the type you have from the  nurse ?

There are so many options of treatment , see what your plan will be , it should be discussed in the MDT ( team meeting ) once your MRI is done 

I went in with my eyes closed and didn’t open them until the 45/50 minutes later . It soon passes . Despite having to stop in the middle to cough 

Your  son will be fine at home, enjoy thdd Ed time at home  

Thank you Deb3112.  The booklet I was given was on Invasive ductal breast cancer. The lump I found is pea size, but because I am pre-menopausal, my breasts are dense, so the MRI is to check if I will need just the lump removed or my breast removed.  

Jo x

Hi Jo, Try not to worry, I have found myself crying in front of my son a few times over the past 6 months as much as I try to hold it in sometimes I just can’t, ive learned to not be too hard on myself & we just have a little cuddle after I’ve had a few tears & then carry on watching a film together or go for a nice walk. It’s just shown me what a caring boy I have & I do think if you try & hide things they pick up on it & it can sometimes be worse. 

I don’t think anyone could have as much fear as I did back in July, I was annoying myself with it but I couldn’t stop it, you’ve had a shock but once you get your plan in place I think your fear will subside. 

Be kind to yourself 

andrea xx 

Thank And80.  Your post made me emotional...again (but in a nice way).. probably because I see my son acting the same way. 

Jo x