Horrible husband

Ho hum,  maybe it's time you considered you!! And not your other half.

Hi, I’m really sorry to read this. My situation was similar … no emotional support or niceness. However, this wasn’t a sudden change in personality, it just became so much more visible when I was diagnosed. I never felt that he had my back and quickly realised that if he wasn’t going to do it now, then he never would. I ended it during treatment. We weren’t living together, so that made it easier. My only regret is not doing it years before. You do need to consider you, although if living in the same house, married or with dependent children, then I understand that it is harder. Keep with us … it’s a friendly supportive group xx 

It is worse to stay with someone in a situation like this than than to go it alone. If all avenues have been exhausted then bow out gracefully. There will, without doubt, come a day when he will look back on his behaviour and know he was totally unsupportive.  Don’t let him bring you down any more. His caring is lacking and my guess is, it will not change.  If this were me I’d now tell him NOTHING about my treatment etc and only confide in trustworthy helpful friends/family.  Once he’s out of the loop it will be less soul destroying than having him putting himself first. Really hope you find the courage to do what’s best for you. X

gosh., but i agree if this is early days it’s not going to be conducive to your treatment if he keeps disappointing you, speak to yoru best friend get support elsewhere and  as people say there are people here, or find a group near you. sending hugs

Hey

What an absolute $¥₩# he is! As previously mentioned to you, this rings in my head as h had similar.  Its so hard to break free as its diving into the unknown and change is hard. On top of that, going thru cancer......as if it's not hard enough! I'm free of my X now  and even tho at the time it was hard, I'm so happy I no longer have that terrible heavy fuzz in my brain dragging me down. 

Keep talking to us 

Julie x

Brilliant! So sorry you also went down this road but We're all survivors and don't need negatively dragging us down! X

You need to leave him.  He not only is gaslighting you, insulting you and taking your money,  he's now trying to make you seem like a bad person to YOUR best friends!! Your self confidence and self support are being eroded,  he's causing trauma which takes a long time to recover from,  he is showing no affection or support for you,  only concern for himself.  He sounds like a narcissist.  Please look that up,  and the different stages (including trying to get back again with the person). Also if you feel able,  tell your best friend honestly how he has treated you over the last few years. 

It sounds an awful situation,  but you need to consider yourself. If he cared for you at all he'd be coming with you to appointments and offering you support and help. He'd also be kind. What you have is emotional and potentially financial abuse.:(

I agree completely Londonmumof2 it was exactly the same for me. My x had affairs over the years and I buried my head in the sand. He got us into debt, lost numerous jobs. He was also a narcissistic man who also gas lighted me over and over. When I got the cancer he wasn't bothered. Bever attended appointments. I once had to stay overnight in hospital and when I got home, there was a long hair in the bed and the smell of perfume.  He claimed it was hair.......I was bald! I could write a book! I should have walked away years ago but ultimately it was him that left the day after my first clear mammogram,  emptying the house. Honestly,  it was so cruel. All I can say is, it's a black hole but you can get out of it to a better life! There's only 2 places you should have unconditional peace and that's the grave and your home. If you've not peace abd mindfulness at home then there's an issue. Sorry if that sounds morbid.

Julie x

Thanks for all the support nothing I don't already know but need to find the courage bad enough facing cancer and chemotherapy and a divorce.

All my friends can't stand him.

So I will have loads of support when I leave him.

Hello German shepherd mum 

Interesting you should say that because all my friends declared the same feeling towards my X too! It's so hard,  I had my family and friends but still felt unloved and supported as he was absolutely vile to me. He had no understanding of what I was going thru, how frightened I was. I read a message on his phone (sorry but it made me paranoid) and it said, to his new woman...."let's see, she might die then the coast is clear" 

Imagine how I felt reading that with my swollen body and bald head, she's a long legged blonde,  but now I smile that 2 years later she will be putting up with his arrogance and I'm back to normal! Perfect life! 

Julie