What to do for the best?

Hi , I think initially it feels this way for all of us.  We are told we have cancer and with no time to digest that we are bombarded with information, tests, probabilities and options.

I think trying to delay the radiotherapy until you get the gene test results is sensible and for now.

As you say surgery can be hard but the consequence of the cancer coming back in the other breast can be even harder.  Is it possible to have a conversation with your son so he feels that he is part of the decision process as that might help him deal with it better this time.  

My thinking is that the first time came as a big shock to him, finding out your parent has cancer can be really devastating.  But this time if you have a mastectomy on the other breast it won't be because you have cancer it will be to help prevent you getting cancer again so I suspect he won't find that surgery as hard to cope with in fact he might welcome it.

It depends I guess on what specifically about your surgery he didn't cope well with but I imagine knowing it's a surgery that will help protect you will help him.

I would also draw up a list of pros and cons to having the other mastectomy or not (should the test come back positive) and then once you've done that it might be easier to put it to one side and think about it so much until you get your results.

Hopefully the test comes back negative for you.  Let us know how you get on. 

Hello Newby 78 

I had two tumors in both breasts and decided to have a bilateral mastectomy we do have cancer in our family but I believe that I'm the first with breast cancer. I don't think they will give you radiation therapy if you waiting for results. Bilateral mastectomy is ok a big surgery but I have bounced back it's been 8 weeks so not long really X  

Best wishes Jayne 

Hi godwilling.

thank you for your advice. I have had CT scan and the planning for radiotherapy as if going ahead but my oncologist was quite happy and willing to push back another 3 weeks as it was due to start October 13th and my results for gene most likely won’t be back by then. He said if still not back by the new start date he will push back further so that is reassuring that they can be done and not just cancelled.

my son is 9 and has learning difficulties so I can speak to him but but he doesn’t always understand fully the reasons why things happen and can only see how things affect him, like with the surgery I had for this cancer his concerns were that I couldn’t bounce on his trampoline with him or he couldn’t sleep in my bed, that kind of thing.

plus we had people staying with us for a while to help out while I was healing and he found that difficult as it’s just the 2 of us at home and that is what he is used to. It could be different next time as it wouldn’t be new to him.

hopefully my results will be negative and I won’t have to think about it anyway and just proceed with the radiotherapy.

Thanks Rhiwbina,

oncologist is going to postpone the radiotherapy until results come back, which hopefully will be in 4-6 weeks time.

we do have a big family history of breast cancer but all have been between 55 and 75 when diagnosed. I’m the youngest at 42 so that’s why thinking it could be down to genetics but equally it may not so hopefully will be negative and can just proceed with the treatment plan but if positive it is reassuring to hear from you they it’s not too bad an operation.

my mum had a mastectomy 4 years ago and I know the first few weeks were quite bad for her and her reconstruction didn’t go as well as planned but she ok now. She only had one breast removed so I’m assuming that a bilateral would take a bit longer to recover from.

I can see why your son struggled .  Hopefully you don't need another surgery but if you do as you said it won't be new to him this time so hopefully it will be better.