AWAKE.........

Well im awake iv not slept propper since feb 16 . The thing is i believe im in control , then i think if i am in control why did i join this site so long after me diagnosis ? Well i think its cos we are in control how ever the bcn n oncologidt dont ever no how we really feel so thats why wer here for the wonderfull support n advice and the fact wer doing are best to get on with it . Its a path we have bein given n all we can do is get past all the obsticles on it. ( i cud say summat else ther , I no ill get told off) so i wont . As iv not lost my sence of humour on this here journey its more honest these days.!! And I find my self forgeting all sorts and im so random with my thoughts and tonge and I just dont care , im gona make the best of it from now on. Chik keep smiling. Xx

Dear LondonLass,
I am new to all this, its all so horrible.  I have read a lot of your posts over the past few days - some bits go in and other bits don't.  It's no wonder you didn't think to ask, I'd say your mind was on a different wave length, so this hadn't come into your mind. I can only imagine at any stage when you are getting told something different - the mind kicks in and for want of a better word you go 'numb' to whats been said, its like your there, can hear them, see their mouths working - but there not talking to you, it's not you thats there. Then slowly you start piecing it all together and ask yourself 'why didn't I ask this, why you didn't say etc'. then, I think you will start working on a plan of how you are going to tackle this.  You say that your oncologist and BCN are on your side and helping - this in itself I hope will reassure you and together you will get your heads together and work on this. 
I hope you can get back off to sleep  xx

Thanks mrsox and WhatHappened, very wise words from both of you! Don't worry I am still smiling............

It was all a very big eye opener. But having this information does help me to see that the surgery I had really was a pretty big op, which explains why it has taken me so long to get over it. 

Hearing him say that Fatigue can be caused by numerous things and I ticked every box, I give myself permission to stop giving myself such a hard time and allow myself the time I need to do things, even if that time is much slower than it used to be! 

On the whole the appointment has taken away the pressure I was putting on myself. It has removed the anxiety of it all and helped me realise. That considering what my body has been through in the last 4years, I'm doing pretty darn well to still be working, allbeit just 3 days. To still be doing everyday tasks as well as shopping, going out, etc etc! 

I'm not saying a miracle has happened and that from now on I will be forever happy with how my life is and I will never moan again.......SORRY YOU DON'T GET RID OF MY MOANING THAT EASILY........I will however allow myself to accept my limitations and try and improve a little each day, but if it doesn't happen then that's okay! 

 He did actually make me laugh when we were discussing possible timescales for progression for someone like me with my origional diagnosis and treatment plan and he said..... I don't have a clue, because you aren't on MY treatment plan, you are doing your own. Which is working for you so maybe you'll start a new piece of data!.......so NOT like me to do things MY way, I've always followed EVERY piece of advice, but this time with the Zoladex injections keeping things stable, I just feel that I should stick to my current trail of thought which is.....IF IT AIN'T BROKE DON'T FIX IT! So far it's working enough to keep me stable and that's good enough for me, at the moment!

Oh and one more thing I was going to say was, I was reading through my copy of the CT scan report and it appears I have a small hiatus hernia! Which explains the issues with acid reflux and heartburn! Interestingly oncologist didn't even mention it, which does show they really are only interested in the cancer 'bit'! I see GP on Monday so I will discuss with her!

Sorry I'm babbling again! Apologies if that makes no sense! xxxxxx

Hi London Lass! I'm really pleased your appointment answered most of your questions! Did they come up with any ideas about the lack of sleep? Wishing you a good day whatever your up to! Best wishes gill x x

Hey LL, glad you've had some answers and things are making a bit more sense. Makes things a bit easier mentally, although definitely not physically. 

Don't know why none of us thought of a HH causing the reflux. Just shows how we get so cancer focussed we forget that we still get "normal" stuff.

Also glad your onco has accepted that your way is working.

We're always here to listen, you can moan as much as you want!! After all, where else can you?

BIG hugs xx

Hello all,

LL, I hope you feel better now you are more informed. I guess it is a lot to get your head around but at least you now know what is causing your pain and what could be the cause of your acid reflux. Hopefully your GP might be able to help with that.

Hope work goes ok tomorrow Karen.

I have had some really good news today. My mum has heard from her surgeon and it has all been removed, no need for chemo or radio. Whoop whoop! And my son has baked a lovely cake for tomorrow (with a bit of help from Betty Crocker). He has put green smarties on top to match the green logo. Just hope it tastes as good as it looks!!!

Gay xxx

That is brilliant news about your Mum Gay!! And wow, you've a good lad there!!

Work.......................... Just wondering what I'm walking back into, they did call a couple of times with questions while I've been off ........... At least it's a half day, I have a CT scan in the afternoon!! But I also go on call at 5pm for a week................

Jo - how are you getting on?

Time for a nice soak. Then to choose which bed I'm sleeping in now that I have a choice again.

Hope everyone gets a half way decent night

xx

Great news about your mum Gay.enjoy your coffee morning tomorrow.i'm doing one too but I have bought cakes and though one son is helping me he takes after me in the  kitchen

That's fantastic news Gay! Sending your mum get well soon wishes xxx

Well I wish everyone doing a coffee morning tomorrow the best of luck! I shall be going to 2 of them so all I can say is..........

The perfect way to make money without upsetting anyone ;-) 

I had a lovely day today, walked the dog then popped into town for lunch then on to the cinema! I haven't been in over a year and it was so nice to feel 'normal', even if I was completely shattered this evening! It's funny how it's the simplest of things that make us smile!

Oh and I heard from my BCN today just to let me know that the oncologist has ordered a DEXA scan, think thats about the only scan I haven't tried! He agreed it was worth doing to keep an eye on my bone density! He's also going to check back over my previous scans to see if the hernia was visible on any of them! Although it seems these things aren't so noticeable on the PET CT! But I don't think it really matters how long it's been there, i'm just pleased it was spotted and it hopefully explains the reflux!

Wishing everyone a peaceful nights sleep! Night night all xxxx

Hey luv moan all you want. Dus u gud to clear ur thoughts . All you can do is ur best , nothing more nothing less , ignor negativity and ignorance be happy n never mind um. ( I wish i cud put wat I usually say  i dont want to offend any 1) Appreciate n luv ur self more put ur self 1st and let people help u only if they are worthy of ur time. I personaly hav ad a clear out of such people n feel alot beta for it. You no you n stick t ur plan chik u no best at the end of the day. 

I listen to alot of music and an all time favourite is rolling stones shes a rainbow reminds me of my sis who died 18 years ago. Well since coming on here iv got it as a ring tone by the smyfonic orchestra as this version remindes me of all u lovly ladies on here . Keep smiling. XXXX