, you have an awful lot to cope with, sorry your sleep is so poor. I was beautifully asleep and they woke me to do BP, and now I'm wide awake! 
Sling me one of those pandas!
BP was good though! xxxx
Onwards and flatwards (don't do hills) and keep walking if you can!
Hello judith () i hear the SAD light boxes are really very good after knowing a few people who have been diagnosed with SAD it’s a difficult illness because mental health is not easy to see but many benefit from the right help. Have you spoken to your specialist nurse or GP about having some formal emotional support it may help at least getting the worries of your chest, I know i find it invaluable to speak with my consellor and recent things have really decided that I should go back to having formal conselling. I think the direct face to face support can be more beneficial. Your sleep apnea will not be helpful to your wellbeing as we all know sleep is our best medicine when it comes to recharging the battery sort of thing and with everything else going on with you. It be worth you looking into getting some extra support. “You want to be striding over the quick sand, not getting stuck in it”. I know how all my fears have come to the forefront of my mind and I don’t mind admitting i am terrified, terrified of the unknowns but the knowns too. I often think of wake me up in spring too, i think the winter months make depression more easy to attach itself to our minds but steps can be put in place to make it less able to stick.
Sending you a gentle hug and to everyone going though so much rough with all the crappy things that are happening at the moment, together we are stronger
By Hello GBear thank you for your really helpful and kind reply.
I do have counselling with a Macmillan Psychological Therapies Cousellor, and will be seeing her on 19th November.
The chemo nurses at the Oncology Centre are lovely and I have a one to one every three weeks in addition to discussing my chemo side effects.
I went back on antidepressants in Feb 2018 ( Duloxetine) when I was diagnosed with Secondaries in Jan 2018.
The tiredness and chemo exhaustion means that I push myself to do ordinary things. I used to have loads of energy.
I’m in the process of applying for medical retirement on ill health grounds. I started this in June this year , I have a Unison Rep, but the health report for HR and pensions has to be signed by TWO different Occupational Health GPs.
Hopefully, by Feb 2019 when I’m 62, it will have sorted itself. I feel stuck until I know how things are financially.
It does not help having no family either. I have booked to see an early music event next Sat eve ( Tudor/ Reformation) so looking forward to that.
Two years ago, I did voluntary work at a community event at Christmas, I don’t have the energy to do that now. Not looking forward to Christmas. My ex who has been a great source of support is visiting his relatives.
I will look into the SAD light boxes. Anyone got any info/ advice or recommendations please?
Thanks Judith xx
Good that your blood pressure is fine. Hope that you get back to sleep 
Of Course I can send you some Pandas !! Can’t promise that they will be lively though 
Sorry , was trying to avoid using my iPad as I was just so exhausted and feeling very very sorry for myself. But of course I will send you........
It's tough Hun, I know it is. I've been struggling for weeks actually months. The lack of energy really gets me down, as well as all the other crap! But this isn't about me. You have been dealt a shitty hand and sadly none of us can take that away from you. I wish we could. Reminding yourself that there can be good days is easier said than done! But I find on my bad days I just put one foot in front of the other and remind myself that tomorrow might be a better day! Oh and I moan ALOT, just ask , toxophilite and (Prickles)!
Having someone to text on the bad days has really helped me, have you got anyone who truly understands that you can chat too, off load too? It really makes a difference knowing that there is someone at the end of the phone! I will PM you!
Maybe calling the helpline on your lonely down days might help? Just hearing an understanding voice and note feeling so alone, can really help! WE are ALL here for you. The Fruit Loops have got you My Friend. Day or night someone will see your message so please remind yourself that you aren't alone and you are surrounded by people who care!
Are you able to make the meet up? Sorry I can't recall if I saw your name on the list! I hope you have managed to fall asleep and you enjoy some sweet dreams! Love you Hun xxxx
Now my MOAN......
3.5hrs of having a BURNING throat from acid reflux!! Really doesn't help with sleep! But it's finally been extinguished and as my counselling appointment has been cancelled I can have a lie in! Just one problem.......I'm WIDE AWAKE!
Oh the Joys of Living with Cancer and all its side effects!!
GBear, hope you have managed to go back to sleep! Looks like you have had an unsettled night too! ((((((((((((HUGS)))))))))) xxx
, I'm glad I made you smile! I aim to please you know 
Sorry things didn't quite go to plan, although if I had realised you were at the RD&E I could of popped over and given you a real hug! Once the procedure was over of course!!
Try not to overthink things, just wait for the scan and see what happens! Sadly having scans and check ups becomes part of your new reality once you've been touched by the Big C! But we are always here to offer a.....
Hug! It might not solve anything, but reminds us we are NOT alone xxxxx
