Bowel cancer CARERS, FAMILY & FRIENDS chat

Thank you all for replying to my post about Barry crying. It is funny how little things sometimes open the doors for emotions to come tumbling out. 
A parcel arrived from Amazon and he said you had better open that. Inside was 10 books by Peter James the first 10 in a series. He had seen a bit on the TV about the series and thought it was my kind of book so had ordered them. He just said that’s because, I said because what and that’s when he started crying. I then realised what he meant. He has always spoilt me at Christmas, I always have a bag of presents as big as the kids had when they were little. He can’t help himself, not all big expensive things but really thoughtful gifts. In his mind he might not be here at Christmas and that was the realisation that brought on the tears. I am sure he will be, I don’t know why but I just feel he has longer than that. Fingers crossed. 
Well another week starts tomorrow I hope it is not too bad for everyone. 
Big hugs Pauline xxx

Morning Pauline Daft I know but my anxiety has started already for Christmas my daughter keeps talking about what the grandchildren are having and how this Christmas we will all be together for lunch not like last Christmas. Last year Simon went in on the 18th December with blood clots in both lungs and arm it was the swollen arm and being tired that took him to doctors in hospital they just said his blood count was really low gave iron infusion and blood then caught covid in there they sent him home on the 23rd said you have a bleed somewhere we will send you for a test wait for a appointment not knowing he had the cancer inside Christmas was hell upstairs in the spare room with covid while I had to entertain and keep family safe downstairs. The family left he the woe up in agony short story they found a blockage and Cancer so yeah not sure like you this year used to love Christmas when kids were little now please don't mention Christmas xxx

I’m not surprised your anxiety has started after that last Xmas. Xmas is ages away and plenty to deal with and think about now.

On a brighter note I did the Mighty Marathon walk yesterday with Sally and a couple of others and completed it in five and half hours!! Totally pleased with myself and feel fine today. Raised over £2000 so really chuffed and we carried photos of Kevin pinned to our backpacks so he came with us all the way. There’s was tears but lots of laughter too!!

Hope everyone is bearing up 

Helen x

Amazing Helen well done wow must have been a strange one but congratulations and your feeling fine well done what's next ? xx

Should have said it was half marathon 13 miles!! 

13 miles is still 12 more than I could do at the moment lol. Well done you really are amazing. 
pauline xxx

Barry never did the poo tests that they send every couple of years but year before last or maybe early last year I am losing track, he had a bleed and ended up in hospital. Bleed stopped and he was sent home then about May time he had a call from a nurse to say that she was tidying up loose ends and he should of been sent for tests following on from his bleed but it had slipped through the net. She arranged the tests and the rest is history. If they had done the tests sooner maybe they would have been able to treat him but we will never know. What I do know is that I will never forgive myself for not fighting for him to have some treatment. He has said so many times he would prefer to have had the op and if it was not a good outcome so be it but the surgeon and the anaesthetist both said he was not strong enough,  we will never know. 

I know what you mean about Christmas it is hard enough with 2 sons both with lovely wives and 2 children each who want us to all get together and a husband who, even before his illness, would prefer us to stay home on our own. Barry is so strange he is really bah humbug about everything but says as I love it so much he loves ,to get me lots (and I mean lots) of presents. I have said many times I don’t need the presents I just love to see my family having a lovely time. Men can be infuriating sometimes. It is odd now he is ill I  feel disloyal saying this but it is the truth. 

Sorry  another long rambling post which should have come with a BORING heading. 

Have a good day everyone 

Pailine

Well done Helen. Do you know how many steps you did. That would be interesting. Again congratulations on raising that amount of money. You really are a star. 

Jkee and Pauline. I have not even thought about Christmas this year. It is not boring Pauline just saying how it is.  This last week I just feel numb and not sure why at all.  Went to the shops with Lucy and really that is the first  time without Les. He brightened up when I got back as this morning he was dreadful but as we all say tomorrow is another day. 

I am not a church goer but our friend are and they do pray for Les and I guess I do like this morning when he was having a tough time.

huge hugs to all Maggie xx

Well Done You Helen and to your daughter Sally too!  Just hope you are not too sore today but that's great the amount you raised. JKee and Pauline I get the Christmas thing too just don't know what it's going to be like this year my first without him will think about that nearer the time still far too early. Not just me then Pauline? Jay was a bit of a `Mr Scrooge` at Christmas too and all `bah humbug` I told him to go and join a `grinch club` somewhere I think though when our granddaughter came along he mellowed on it slightly. Last year was a write off for us too as that was when the downward spiral on his cancer really started to hit and he was in hospital over the New Year holiday just after Christmas with severe dehydration and low kidney function and that was when we found out about the kidney damage through the chemo so it was withdrawn immediately and then the continuous sepsis infections happened which led up to both that and the cancer taking him. Pauline Jay never did the screening tests they sent in the post either he used to notice a slight bleed from time to time when he went to the loo but never took much notice of it and just dismissed it even though I more or less nagged him at the time to do them and he used to say he was scared they would `find something` and I used to say well if there is something they may be able to catch it before it has a chance to get further but of course it fell on deaf ears and the test packs just got thrown in a drawer with the usual `I'll do it later` but look what it led to. My sister got one in last week and I had to help her to do hers because although it's so simple to do, with her learning problems she couldn't get to grips on how to actually do it and she was going to give up and I said to her don't end up like Jay so I helped her out with it. Lots of `if onlys` now but the `if onlys` will not bring him back and today officially marks my first day as a widow now that his funeral has past while all that was going on I still insisted he was still `here` but now it is official he is no longer on this earth. I'd like to think though he is somewhere around though I can't see him still guiding me and helping me go on. 

Vicky x

36589 steps Maggie most I’ve ever done

Helen x