Struggling

I think you have to make a determined effort to change your current mindset. Since you’ve asked the question, I will give my view, but appreciate you may not want to accept any of it. However, I’ve done this cancer rodeo twice now in quick succession, so I’m speaking from my own experience.

1. Keep off google and stop reading horror stories on cancer sites. Completely stop this. 

2. Practice mindfulness-free apps on the phone for this to relax and keep you in the moment.

3. Stop spending every minute of the day thinking you have cancer when you don’t have a diagnosis,

4. Distract yourself with things you enjoy if you have hobbies-something you can focus on and be absorbed with.

5. Keep busy, or alternatively watch a box set or similar. Get immersed in something else.

6. Accept that worrying will never change anything and is a waste of energy.

7. Believe that you are an individual, and your situation is unique to you. No point in reading about people with advanced cancer who have had their bladder removed etc when this is not your situation. 

8. Dont believe everything you read on the internet and don’t search for statistics.

9. if you cannot cope, ask for help with some medication to relax you.

10. Accept that no-one on the internet can diagnose you or confirm that you don’t have cancer (which might in truth be what you are looking for).

11. Breathe, and don’t automatically assume the worst. A positive mental attitude is a huge benefit in dealing with any wait for diagnosis and test results.

My apologies if this sounds like too much, but you have worked yourself into such a state that this is only intended to be some friendly advice from someone who has learned from much experience.

Sarah xx

Thank you ️ why do we torture ourselves :( I’ve waisted 3 and half weeks googling most days! Neglecting my own care and probably my childrens too! Having seen my mom, uncles and mother in law pass from cancer’m some what traumatised by this all! Automatically now thinking my children are going to have to do the same

Well, I have to say that I didn’t torture myself, didn’t Google, and yes, many of my family died with cancer. I didn’t assume I would be the same, because I am a unique individual.  You haven’t had a cancer diagnosis, yet it’s so sad to see you have already written yourself off. 

I’ve had advanced cancer, but I’m still here as are many people in the same situation. If you keep looking for worst case scenarios, you’re sure to find it on the internet. As I said, I gave you some advice based on my own experience, and I hope you can make use of some of it because you need to try and help yourself. If you do have cancer, it is TINY and can be treated. Try to focus on that rather than the negatives. Worry sucks the joy out of life now, but actually achieves nothing. 

Sarah xx

After my symptoms that took me to the GP  - very reassuring, did fast track referral 'just in case' - I was convinced I had one cancer, only to find in the end it was a different one. So I had wasted lots of google time & worry, to be replaced by different questions, misplaced confidence then worry & waiting. Seems natural that we all fear the worst - kind of rehearsing & preparing ourselves to manage. for that eventuality.

How did I cope? If you do google, make sure you are looking at reputable sites like this one, CRUK & other relevant charity websites. Remember that no-one can predict your personal diagnosis nor route ahead. Share your fears, but pick your confidante carefully. At night, I listened to Radio 4 podcasts - speech rather than music. Either the droning voices sent me to sleep, or the topic was so interesting I was absorbed listening.

Otherwise, simply keep busy. if you don't have regular activities, do something you've been putting off, like sort a cupboard. If you don't already do some form of exercise, now is the time to start! Put some music on, sing & dance in the privacy of your own home. Beat up a pillow, dig the garden. 

If it's really too bad, ask for help from your GP or look for a local mental health helpline. There's always the Samaritans too. Best wishes.

Thank you both ️ I just struggle so much with my mental health and all this makes things so much work! Convincing myself that all on google is right! Convincing myself this is gonna be so bad :( scared that my fears will come true x 

It is hard. Very hard and we have all been in really dark places. But believe me: this cancer is one of the most curable. I was diagnosed in mid June 2021. TURBT 8th July.. Then 2 weeks to wait to know how bad it was. That's the worst. But it will pass. You will soon be on the path to a cure that very likely will keep it at bay. The cure is long. Maybe 2, 3 years. Maybe more. Today I just came back from my 14th BCG treatment and I must admit this has been hard ... head ache, fairly bad flu like symptoms, I feel cold, my muscles and bones ache and I feel really weak. But you know what? Considering the alternative I am happy. You will be getting there soon! Good luck and let us know!

Marco

Google is not only bad news ... But we decide to concentrate only on the bad ones. I have read the statistics. Case studies. Some really good others less. Guess which ones I was betting I would have turned out to be? The worst. Don't look at google. There is some good information but in situations like this one (discovering to have cancer) we do not have the right mind set to analyze the information with a clear mind. You cannot do anything anyway, so, as a really good friend of mine told me after she got cured from breast cancer, "Trust your doctors and do as you are told!" 

Thanks for your comment…I hope you’re doing well! I currently not sure what I face as a 5mmx4mm polyp was found ..obviously it was google that has lead to my complete melt down :( I’m scared of what’s to come! If I could face years of things but some have said could also be of a benign nature :( my head runs away with me x

My position is not the same as yours, but I feel your struggle, my husband had odd times of blood in his urine,  he didn’t do anything but in May this year it was really bad it was just like peeing blood, he then told me, it turned out to be bladder cancer, I was a mess, I cried when I had to talk to anyone to sort out appointments etc as you don’t know what’s going to happen just booking our car in for an MOT was very tearful.

I tend to Google everything and it can be helpful but also misleading, I would wake up in the morning and think, he’s got cancer and will die, how can I live without him.

After we got the cancer diagnosis I strangely felt better, we knew what we were dealing with and it wasn’t what if any more, it’s still hard, he’s starting BCG immunotherapy on Friday for 6 weeks, don’t know how it will go just got to hope for the best.

It’s ok to feel scared, tearful, worried and apprehensive, these are major moments in our lives and we don’t know what will happen.
I’m not especially religious but we look after the graveyard at a church that only has 3 services a year, it’s where my mum and dad are buried, I have a quiet moment there to ask god to look after us and I have a thing about Buddhas, 2 special ones I talk to each night to look after my husband, it may be stupid but it helps and that’s what it’s all about.

it’s a very hard time and whatever comfort or help you get to help you through has to be a positive.

Take care of yourself xx

I’m struggling so much :( I feel so sick to the stomach with the thought of everything! The tests! The procedures! I’m only 36 :( I honestly wish I had some positive thoughts about it but I read so much horrible stuff! I try to take comfort in its small but then I panic :( I’m such a mess right now