How to handle insensitive questions and comments

Oh dear. I got  some stupid comments. I ended up just ignoring those people because you can’t really give them an answer that they will appreciate. I had HPV oropharyngeal cancer and I got comments suggesting I’d been promiscuous. It’s lack of education. Ignore them. There’s no reasoning with some people. 

That’s true but shocking nonetheless. Stupid comments are lack of education and poor emotional intelligence. I’m not terribly good at ignoring it. Everyone else has been supportive, thankfully.

Thanks for getting back to me,

All the best,

Adele

Hallo 

thanks for posting this. People are stupid and thoughtless.

A long-standing friend said ooh how did you get cancer then, and other crass questions.

I was astounded and told her that  I don’t know or care how I got cancer, I want to move forward and it’s a bit useless to speculate as I can’t change it.

This approach isn’t for everyone, it works for me. I don’t have time to waste, and I’ve found that I’ve had to be assertive as my partner has cancer too.

. 

Wow!  Those comments really take the biscuit. And they will hurt for much longer afterwards.   There's been some good posts on this subject, I can't remember which one is the long good one, but one of these probably ->

 Things people say… 

 RE: Starting to avoid people because of the silly things they say!! 

 Things people say/ask *after* you’ve had cancer 

I think the middle one, members share their best answers.  

You deserve a treat after such abuse.  

One thing to give some thought to, and it isn't easy, those that react in the way you write about might be doing so because of their own fear. Even a sister, meaning another human you know better than many others, may have a fear of cancer that you knew nothing about and it could be that even though she seems to have a history of being not too cool with her words, this time it could be she is scared and she only knows one way to express that --- as she did, being kind of odd and nasty. Now I am no specialist about how folks think, but I used to be on active duty in the military many years ago and I noticed that some folks act really strange when they are scared. That could be the case here. But then you have the awful situation that you can't actually ask her if that is what's happening because she might be even worse in reacting to that, even if it turns out to be true. In fact, you may never know if that is the problem; that she is scared.

But it might be worth some thought. And maybe be a tad helpful.

Sorry for the delay in replying. Just catching up with myself after surgery. I agree, lack of education and knowledge at the heart of it. Nonetheless, the insensitivity of some people is staggering. All you can do is ignore them, although I've tried to also give my sister the facts as I understand them. 

I find it shocking that some people react in this way. Particularly as you and your husband have a lot to deal with. No time to waste - too true I hope the situation has got better for you both.

Thanks, I checked the links out. A lot of it rings true, and very interesting that we quite a number of us receive odd, insensitive comments. I didn't think I'd have deal with that. Thankfully, everyone else close has been great and very supportive.

I've given it some thought. Fear, quite possibly, though my sister R decided (without evidence) that my breast cancer couldn't be genetic. Although I'm sure at the back of her mind she must wonder if she's going to be unlucky as well,  particularly as there's been a lot of deaths in our family due to cancer (both parents, an aunt, grandparent). On another occasion she phoned and said something hurtful, I tried to be tactful back, but was pretty annoyed and shared it with my sister F, and she was shocked, and thought that R had become increasingly blunt and negative towards everyone, and had her own examples. I felt better about the situation knowing it wasn't just me being over-sensitive.

I hope your surgery went OK and you are recovering.