Hi everyone
This is my first time in a cancer forum of any kind. It seems like a friendly and supportive place.
There have been lots of ‘firsts’ for me recently. Until my breast cancer diagnosis at the beginning of June, I had never had surgery or spent time in hospital. Now I’ve had surgery and am healing well. The next step is chemotherapy, which will start as soon as I receive the date. It’s all very new and strange.
Somewhat stranger to me, is hearing the odd things that people say. The majority of my friends, family and colleagues have been incredibly supportive and have helped me feel so loved and cared for. A few have said unhelpful things – always with the best intentions and in the spirit of caring for me – and I would like to share some of them here, as I’m pretty sure most of us have heard at least one of these statements or had one of these questions…
It’s helpful for me to post these. I hope it’s helpful for some others to read. Please feel free to add your own, as I’m curious to know your experiences too!
Thank you for reading 
THINGS PEOPLE HAVE SAID TO ME SINCE LEARNING I HAVE BREAST CANCER:
‘Get well soon!’
‘At least it's not cervical cancer' (right after initial diagnosis, before I even knew what stage my breast cancer was...)
'Sugar feeds cancer, you know.'
'X had much worse cancer than you, she was done for. Now she's got the breasts she's always wanted and has never looked more beautiful.'
'You have to have chemo? Oh (starts crying), you'll lose your hair (cries more).'
'If you want to talk to X, I'm sure she would be happy to talk with you about her cancer (then goes on to tell me ALL about X's cancer experience without drawing breath to ask me how I might be feeling or even giving me a chance to say 'Thank you, that's very kind, but no.') *X had a different cancer, which was clearly considered so much worse than mine...
'Do you have any ideas about why you have developed cancer in your breast?'
'Have you been stressed?' (ie: stress gives you breast cancer)
'If they give you a lower dose of chemotherapy, would that maybe save your hair?'
'So when does your hair start falling out? Straight away?'
'When will you be able to relax about Covid?'
'I so understand, after what we went through with X.' (from someone who has never had cancer and really, really, really doesn't understand at all)
'I had surgery too (shows tiny scar on finger - in all seriousness - when visiting me 3 days after I had had a wide local excision + auxiliary clearance and my underarm drain was still connected).'
'I've done some research online and it's amazing what they can do now. Cancer isn't as bad as it used to be.' (from another person who has never had cancer)
'You have to...'
'You know that...'
'Have you tried...'
AND MY FAVOURITE:
Nothing. No answer. Ghosting after gently sharing this very personal news with someone who has been my friend since we were 3 years old.
I think I might be a little angry. I guess that’s normal?
Bless you! I hope that helped. It is infuriating. I think you’ll find some solace in this thread I inadvertently started about exactly the same thing and others shared their stories too, I’m sure you’ll get lots of responses from everyone feeling exactly the same. We know it’s well meaning but so 
, let it out here!!
community.macmillan.org.uk/.../starting-to-avoid-people-because-of-the-silly-things-they-say
And yes, some people really do let themselves and then us down, hopefully other, better friends will be there for you. I have learned that oldest friend doesn’t necessarily mean best friend throughout this too. All the best x
I had get well soon card from my aunt
,I'm not close to her, my mum said she means well.
X
@Eline that is mind blowing! Yeah they really listen to what you’re saying 
I know it’s ungenerous but I hope that bunion really, really hurts x
Thank you, you made me smile to myself! I keep telling myself I'm being over sensitive but after reading your post I don't think I am 
. I feel people are talking to my boobs (Mastectomy 5 weeks ago) and if one more person asks me if I'm pleased with the surgery............
