Anticipatory grief- losing sight of the future , feeling lost

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Hi

Husband been diagnosed terminal S4 met lung 10 months ago out the blue. On treatment but latest scan says its spread further in the brain. Now worried the next scan will say it's spread elsewhere and brain is the least of our worries.

We have 3 children under 5y, youngest is only 8 months old. 

We nearly lost him once already before they finally accepted him onto the trial as last attempt. 

I'm worried it's happening again and just can't seem to focus on enjoying the time together now as I'm so worried about the future. I know I need to cherish this time but the anxiety of what's coming just won't let up.

Anyone found this? If so how did you stop it? 

Thank you

  • Hi  ,

    My name is Dylan and I work in the online Community team here at Macmillan.

    I'm so sorry to hear about your husband's diagnosis and that it has spread further in the brain recently. Its very natural to feel anxious and find those feelings overwhelming. Many members of the Community have written about "scanxiety", the dread of waiting for scan results and the big "what ifs". 

    I wanted to leave a comment here so that your post will be bumped up to the top of the forum, increasing its visibility so that other members might see it and offer their support.

    If you feel it would be beneficial to talk to someone about how you are feeling, you can call the Macmillan Support line. Our trained advisors, including cancer information specialist nurses, can provide emotional support and practical information about all aspects of cancer.

    Most people call the Macmillan Support Line for free on 0808 808 00 00. Our Support Team is available 8 am to 8 pm, seven days a week. Please note the opening times may vary by service. You can also chat online with our specialists or send an email during the opening hours.

    You could also read some of the tips on Mind's website; they are a mental health charity that have various resources including mindfulness practices that can help with anxiety. This NHS website also offer information on mindful practices. 

    I'll also leave some links to the main Macmillan website below:

    I hope you are able to find a healthy way to deal with the anxiety. If you have any questions about the information above please feel free to email our team on Community@macmillan.org.uk

    Best wishes,
    Dylan

    Macmillan's Online Community Team