My mum has been living with stage 4 kidney cancer for over 10 years. She has had multiple complications, various surgeries and has really suffered with terrible side effects of the medications she takes over that time. She had the results of her recent scan on the 1st July which showed that the cancer was now present in her lungs and liver. The 1st July was her 64th birthday. Mum, dad and I saw the Oncologist yesterday to discuss options and we were told that her life expectancy was 6 to 12 months. Treatment would perhaps give her an extra 6 months but the doctor advised against it as she would be debilitated by side effects for the remaining time she has left. Mum agrees with the doctor and we all support her decision. Now comes the emotional bit...
I feel totally distraught, can't eat, feel like I'm on the verge of a panic attack. The thought of how terrified she must be to be told she potentially only has a few more months is killing me. It all feels so cruel. I have three very young children, work full time and generally have a busy life but I just don't want to do anything. I feel guilt for having these 10 years with her but wanting another 10. I feel guilt that I'm laying here in bed depressed as hell when she's the one going through this! Both of my parents are disabled. Mum through surgeries on her leg bones due to the cancer and dad is an amputee. I am totally alone in looking after them. Then my mind turns to what the end will look like for mum, how will I tell and support my children, how will I look after dad, what about work...everything feels utterly overwhelming
Hi D Dog
I am really sorry to hear of your Mum's journey with stage 4 kidney cancer over the last 10 years. It sounds like it has been a really difficult journey for you all. I am pleased that you felt able to reach out on here for some support.
Naturally you are feeling distraught and as you do with the news that you were given at the oncologist appointment. I can understand that it must all feel very overwhelming at the moment especially with having your family, work and also coping with your parents disabilities.
You naturally need some support with this.
Would it help to give the Support Line a call and talk it all through with one of the nurses? Talking to someone in confidence who is not directly involved with your Mum may help. They can also give some advice on what may happen with Mum next in respects of palliative care and also practical advice.
They can give you advice on how best to support your own children and also with regard to your work.
They can also have a look to see if there is any support local to you which may be of help.
Jane
