Not coping well

Hi Budderfly21

welcome So sorry to hear about your dad and I can't begin to imagine how much harder it makes things if you live abroad. 

For my own story, its my husband who is terminally ill but one of the many things that are tearing me apart is watching  my kids cope with it, especially my daughter who is closer to her dad. But, you know what, if you keep talking, keep seeing each other when you can and hold onto that sense of humour, you'll get through this.

Don't be too hard on yourself here - everyone linked to someone with a diagnosis is going through their own journey as well as trying to support their loved ones. There's no right or wrong way to do it. The emotional rollercoaster ride is normal.

Sending you a huge virtual hug. Stay strong. You're doing so much better than you think you are. (Trust me on that)

love n hugs

Wee me xx

Hello Wee me 

Thank you so much for your reply and your kind supportive words.

So sorry to hear you are going through the same with your husband. Its interesting that you are worrying about your children coping with this as I worry about my mum. She supports me & my sisters so much so she is probably worrying about us too she is so strong I really dont know how she does it but I'm thinking probably the same way you are. She's such an inspiration to us & I worry who she turns to when she's having a moment. You sound like a lovely supportive lady & mummy & I hope you are taking care of you as well.

I know nothing can change our situations but just talking to people who are going through the same thing helps so much.

Take care of you & a big hug to you & your family xxxx 

Hello,  my husband is suffering with this too.  Such an awful disease.  He only started showing symptoms early August and he is now receiving palliative care.  He has deteriorated so quickly it's unbelievable.  However not everyone does so keep hopeful that your Dad is able to have some treatment which will prolong his life and give it some quality too.

My husband is at home and

Sorry, as I was saying my husband is at home and it's  difficult at the mom but we always find strength when we have to.

Good luck to you and your family and remember to take care of yourself too xx

Hi Linda 1956

So sorry you are going through this too and sorry to hear your hubby is receiving palliative care.

It really is such a horrible illness isn't it, just so unfair.

My dad is under the palliative care team too but has chosen to be at home also. It's so difficult isn't it, he is in pain & very fatigued but he always makes some excuse that it's his knees or something rather than the cancer. I think it's his way of denying that he's that poorly or maybe it's something he tells us to stop us worrying. I'm very grateful that he can still do most things for now & his positivity helps us. 

Much love to you & your family xx

I am so sorry to hear the news and what you’re going through. I wish you the very best and all the strength possible

Sorry if this is jumping on your thread, I completely understand when you say you feel broken. It perfectly sums up how I feel. A deep ache in my chest and pit of my stomach. 
I found out recently my dad might only have weeks left to live and I just find myself disassociating, crying for nothing even after I’ve watched something funny and been laughing. I feel broken, I feel guilty for eating, laughing, I feel guilty for sleeping, when I know my dad is in hospital. I just want to keep positive and hope we get him home as soon as possible. I’m so scared I won’t see him again. 

I will talk if you need anything. 

Hi Muddlingthrough 

Thank you for getting in touch and for your well wishes

I'm so sorry to hear you are going through the same thing. The emotions you are feeling are all quite normal but please don't feel guilty for laughing, eating, sleeping- your dad really wouldn't want you to feel guilty about anything & I'm sure he would want you to live your best life although that's not going to happen right at this minute.

I completely under stand your range of emotions though, I can wake up feeling ok & be crying 5 minutes later.

I've found that walking, music, just sitting in the fresh air, meditation etc all help me stay calmer but I can't stick to anything right now so I do what I can. Do try not to be too hard on yourself though.

Much love & hugs & if you need to chat or rant or vent please do - I'll be here xxxxx

Thank you so much for your reply. Hearing it from someone who understands is reassuring rather than just friends saying it as I feel they’re trying to just make me not feel selfish. But hearing it from someone that is probably going through the same range of emotions is much more reassuring. 
I went to see dad last night and discussed where he is going to come back to which was heartbreaking to see him so bad. But I got to talk to him. I could tell he knew I was there which was nice. He still raised his eyebrows when I said something that I assume made him laugh. It was nice and I even managed to not cry in front of him to not worry him. Protecting him like he protected me. 

but thank you! The same to you, if you need a chat or vent please reach out. Thank you again x

Hi Muddlingthrough

Aaww I'm glad you got in to visit your dad yesterday. How lovely that he let you know he was listening by raising his eyebrows & showing that his sense of humour is stiĺl there. Its so important to keep a sense of humour isn't it.

Well done for not crying in front of him too  I've not mastered that yet unfortunately.

I live abroad so when I get to see my dad my eyes have a mind of their own. It's become a bit of a joke with us as we carry on as normal chatting etc but I sit there with my eyes streaming. We call them my "broken eyes". 

Take care & remember we are all here to support & listen even though we can't change the outcome xx

Sorry for a delayed reply,

I honestly don’t even know how I managed to get through the time without crying, I cry at pretty much everything, soaps, dramas etc you name it my eyes leak! 

I absolutely love the saying “broken eyes” it’s so normal and no one can ever tell you how to react or what is right and wrong in these situations. 

Saw my dad on Thursday, I sat with him from 6pm until around 12:30am. I only left as I realised knowing my dad he wouldn’t want to hang on with me there. So I came home I tried to sleep. I was back at the hospital for 6am but unfortunately he had passed around 20 mins before I got there. I am absolutely heart broken and to steal your words my eyes are 100% broken right now. I don’t know how to comprehend this at the moment I’m just taking peace in the fact I made sure he had pain meds he was settled and in peace.

We can’t change the outcome but it really doesn’t stop it hurting does it. I’m just so glad that I found these pages to express emotions. 
Thank you so much for listening and your amazing responses. 

I wish you all the strength. Please know I’m here for you if you need to chat xx