My stepdad (who has been a huge part of my life since I was 9 - I am now 26) was diagnosed with prostate cancer about 3 years ago which has since spread and he is now in the final few weeks of his life.
He had a couple of weeks stay in hospital in March which is when we were first given the 3 month prognosis, but throughout his whole journey he has not wanted to know the results of any tests, prognosis etc and the doctors were happy to honour that. Consequently when he came home he was very upbeat talking about all the things he would be doing once he's beaten this, which was hard for us to participate in but I firmly believe it was the right call to allow him those few weeks of positivity.
However he has gradually deteriorated and then over the last few days his deterioration has increased rapidly to the point now where he feels/is sick, he sleeps/rests most of the day, he can't get out of bed when the carers come to help, he's starting to turn a shade of yellow and most recently and worryingly, he has started to not make sense in what he is saying and finds it hard to understand what we are trying to say to him. My mum spoke to the district nurse and a Macmillan nurse yesterday and they said that this could be a sign that the cancer has spread even further. The main thing for us is that we make sure he isn't in pain now, which thankfully he doesn't seem to be.
As his wish has always been to be kept away from the details of his illness, we have not been able to let any family and friends know that the end is near, as they would of course be keen to say their goodbyes. The trouble is that he isn't in any position to hold a real conversation with anyone now and any conversation tire him out so quickly. His family are aware that he is very unwell and I would say that whilst they don't know outright, the details he's passed on and the short telephone chats he'd had would indicate that he won't be getting better. The difficulty is that although we don't want to deprive people of their final goodbye, we also don't want to put him under stress/pressure to speak to people (it may be different if we were able to accept visitors but of course this is not currently possible). I understand the importance of saying goodbyes to loved ones but surely there has to be some consideration for the person themself?
It's already an incredibly difficult and emotional time for me and my mum, but to be faced with this as additional worry is not helping our ability to cope. Personally I have distanced myself from the majority of his cancer journey because I always assumed it was treatable and he would get better, but now I have involved myself and it is hitting me hard emotionally. I'm able to put on a strong front for a lot of the day, but then the evenings are where it is most difficult
