My dad was diagnosed with cancer in December and initially we thought it was treatable. About a month ago we were told that it is incurable and he is now receiving palliative care. They have not given us specific time lines however we do not expect him to be with us for Christmas. I have recently found out that I am pregnant and, while my dad will be so happy, I don’t want to upset him as it is very unlikely that he would meet the baby. Has anyone been through anything similar or have any suggestions as to how I tell him?
Hi Hoodie
I am sorry to hear that your Dad has had a diagnosis of cancer and is now receiving palliative care.
Congratulations on your pregnancy. I understand your concerns about not wanting to upset Dad but you have said that you think he will be happy with the news. Whilst Dad may not be likely to meet the baby I wonder if it may give him some comfort in his final months. Planning and talking about the baby may give a focus.
What about doing something like creating some sort of memory/message book- something simple like a note book and some pictures and things that Dad would like to pass on or say to the little one. I wonder also whether it would be a comfort to Dad to know that although he may not unfortunately be around for a lot longer, that his family is continuing and that his daughter will have something to focus on that will help her in the future. Whilst Dad may not meet the little one, your little one would then know about Dad and how much he cared and would have wanted to meet them, if that makes sense.
Any incurable diagnosis is bound to bring up lots of questions and worries and it is a time where sometimes difficult decisions need to be made. However this baby is a positive moment during this time.
I recently became a grandparent and if my own cancer had had a different outcome, I still would have wanted to know. Yes, I may initially have felt upset but I would have felt comfort.
Do give the Support Line a call if it would help to talk things through. They are there from 8am-8pm daily.
Hope this helps a bit but if there is anything else you need, please do get in touch.
Jane
