Hi
My 39 year old wife was diagnosed recently with stage 4 breast cancer which has spread to her spine and hip area.. She has just undergone a blast of Radiotherapy last week in order to try and control her pain and the plan is to start a course of Chemo in the coming weeks...
The whole thing came as an absolute bomb blast to us both as my wife went into hospital with what we thought was just a blockage (she already has had an illiostomy at the beginning of the year for a separate issue). Thus began what I can only describe as the craziest emotional roller-coaster I have ever been on (still riding it). So many questions, worries, thoughts, emotions... I wake up on morning for a just a few seconds life is back to normal and then it hits me everytime like a tonne of bricks..
On top of it all we have 3 children aged 13, 10 and 6, we have decided at this point not to tell them the full diagnosis only that mummy has a small amount of cancer for which she will be receiving treatment... We know one day the time will come when we do have to make them aware but for as long as possible we want them to enjoy a 'normal' happy childhood.
Personally I am starting to come to terms with the fact that my journey in life is going to have to continue without my wife by my side eventually but I am worrying so much about my 3 children and how they will take the devastation.
Hi and welcome to the online community
I'm very sorry to read that your wife has recently been diagnosed with breast cancer which has spread to her bones. I can completely understand what a distressing time this will be for you and your family.
As the community is divided up into groups I'm going to suggest a few that you might like to join. The first is the secondary breast cancer group, which is a great place to ask questions about treatment and share experiences with others who have secondary breast cancer, and the second is the carers only group which is a safe and supportive place to share your worries and emotions with other carers.
To join just click on the links I've created and then choose 'click to join' or 'join' (depending on the device you're using) on the page that opens. You can then introduce yourself and post your questions in the same way as you did here and join in with existing conversations by clicking on 'reply'.
Whilst I can understand why your thoughts are leading you to think that your "journey in life is going to have to continue without my wife" this might not be for a very, very long time yet. Many people here have outlived their 'sell by date', as we jokingly call it, and medical advances are happening all the time. I think it might help you to have a look at the positive stories in this thread in the the secondary breast cancer group.
I can understand why you want to protect your children from the full facts of their mum's diagnosis but not explaining what is happening may make them feel more vulnerable. Children often know when something serious is affecting the family and it's important to give them the chance to talk openly about their fears and worries.
It's also a good idea to let school teachers know as it will mean that they can be sensitive to your child’s needs and help them to understand any unusual or difficult behaviour.
Obviously the decision about how much to tell your children is entirely yours and your wife's to make but you might find it helpful to look at this information from Macmillan on talking to children and teenagers. Your teenager might benefit from joining the online site riprap which has been developed especially for teenagers who have a parent with cancer
When you have a minute, it would be really useful if you could pop something about your wife's journey so far into your profile as it really helps others when answering or looking for someone with a similar diagnosis. It also means that you don't have to keep repeating yourself. To do this click on your username and then select 'Profile'. You can amend it at any time and if you're not sure what to write you can take a look at mine by clicking on my username.
If you have any difficulty navigating the community just drop me a reply and I'll be pleased to help.
x
"Never regret a day in your life, good days give you happiness, bad days give you experience"
