Confused

Morning Rayboy

You are not a fraud. My only symptom just now is minor fatigue. However the mental anguish is there, the uncertainty, the moments of despair and hysteria. Keeping up the exercise sounds positive. I hope the daylight has brought some calmer thoughts. Take care, gentle hugs

X

Thanks Flowerlady

The sun is shining and the world feels friendlier.  Got a hospital appointment this morning to check out my heart. Deep joy!  Looking forward to a nice sunny weekend.  

Morning rayboy 

Like u I often feel like u a fraud.

Hope u got some sleep

Stay positive rayboy that's all we can do

Kym 

Hey Rayboy,

Never think about wot others think. We may all look good on the outside& try 2 keep up with a normal life but others don't c wot we're going through or the damage 2 our bodies inside or hidden by clothes, wigs & make-up.

I try 2 maintain a normal life - that's wot keeps me going. I work fulltime (although these days I seem 2 b at the docs/hosp more regularly), am fiercely independent, walk the dogs (not as far as they would like) & keep up with all the household chores.

I don't tell everyone about my cancer diagnosis & prognosis - it's my business.

At the moment I'm still on chemo & have bn 4 the last 4 years with many different regimes. Also have a fungating wound which is causing me endless probs - only y'day was prescribed yet more antibiotics. Doc would have bn happier with me going 2 hosp 4 IV antibiotics but I'm not in a rush 2 return as I was only there 2 weeks ago 4 a short stay.

Keep going & keep in with the community,

Off 4 cake - bn told 2 eat whatever I enjoy

WB xx

Hi

I am sure you’re not a fraud. Who was it said that people living with cancer should jolly well look like cancer victims and stop going about their daily lives like normal people? Oh yes. I remember. Nobody said that ever. 

Keeping up with the exercise is exactly the right thing to do if it works for you. The important thing is to use your limited energy for the things you enjoy as much as you can. 

I do recognise the feeling of wanting to get it all over and done with. But then I remember that I am alive and I get on with living. It’s ok to have these thoughts and it’s definitely ok to talk about them here  

xx

Hi rayboy, I hope your hospital appointment went well and you got to spend some time in the sun.....

The things we say to ourselves in the middle of the night when things seem at their darkest, I think we all recognise these thoughts. Remember to be kind to yourself and remember it’s ok to be sad/afraid and feel low......this is a tough place to be.

If you enjoy the gym, keep going. People sometimes want to wrap us in cotton wool, from a position of love.  But a bit of normality & the tiredness brought on by exercise is a good thing too.

love heather xxxx

Dear Rayboy, firstly I love your signature name.  It really made me smile.  It sounds like Dellboy and my husband is a grand fan of Fools and Horses. 

One if the things I appreciate about this site is the amount of times I've felt something, never voiced it, and then someone else does.  I've felt like a fraud for 22 months really.  No hair loss, no weight loss (the opposite in fact), the effects of drugs hidden - neuropathy of hands and feet, and fatigue.  To be honest feeling this way has kept me off these boards because I felt I didn't have anything to offer. 

Now that things are getting a little harder I feel like I can join in, but I realise that if I'd been brave enough to talk about being a fraud I'd have heard others saying the same thing.  And I might have registered earlier that the emotional journey that has been described in the posts above is something we all have in common, regardless of where we are physically.    I'm grateful for your honesty. 

I belong to a rehabilitation gym that is run by exercise physiologists (the study of how exercise affects different conditions).  I have a muscle wasting disease and mobilise via a wheelchair.  We (members of the gym) are a motley crew of spinal injuries, head injuries, strokes, muscle conditions, spina bifita, cancer journeyers etc.  Recent information is saying that exercise for people with cancer can be as effective as some chemo regimes.  Fatigue often keeps us from it.  But if we can do low impact paced exercise then our bodies are the better for it. 

Thank you for all you wrote.  It made a difference to me.

Kindness.

Robyn

Hi rayboy 

Thought I will pop on today to c how u r feeling and how your appointment went

Kym x

Good morning Kym

Thanks for taking the time to check up on me. I am fine my appointment went well my oncologist was making sure that pain I had in my chest is not heart related. It appear that it is not although I have another test at the end of the month. 

I’m feeling positive and no longer feeling down. I guess when we are short on sleep and wide awake while everyone else is asleep you maybe become a little bit too reflective. Hope all is well with you 

Thanks Heather 

You are right things always look different in daylight.  Appointment went well and I’m back to feeling positive.