Good morning. I am sitting here wide awake wondering what i can do to get some sleep. I feel like a fraud when i read some of the things that others are going through as i have very few symptoms or side effects from treatment. Everyone tells me how good i look and i sometimes find it hard to believe that i have an incurable illness. I try to go to the gym although the one major symptom i do have is fatigue and exercise is often the last thing i feel like doing. My sons wonder whether i am wise trying to keep up my exercise routine although it is significantly less than i used to do. They ask whether i am wasting what energy i do have. I am not sure but it is part of trying to keep some sense of normality.
Everything feels unreal at the moment and not sleeping is not helping. I spent 27 years of my life in the army and consequently feel the need to convince everyone that i am always positive and fighting the cancer. Sometimes i feel that i just want to get on with it and get it over with. Sorry if this sounds really negative but it feels good to at least have one safe place where i can voice my real feelings. I am looking forward to daylight and hope that this will help me feel more positive.
