A chance remark from a friend yesterday saying she admired my bravery got me thinking about friendships.
You certainly find out the hard way who your friends are going through a divorce and two cancer diagnoses. I initially found friends didn't want to hear my sorrows so when asked how l was l would say OK and deflect the conversation away from 'me'.
All my friends know of each other but do not know each other if that makes sense. Well l have just realized even though l am not the eldest l am the first to have cancer and now end stage supported by hospice. My friends have lost parents but not a friend. Am l unwittingly putting on a brave face to help them rather than let them see the true me? They only see me on 'well' days and not when l cannot get from one room to another as l am wheezing and coughing so much l do one step rest then another step and rest and so on. Am l protecting them from the reality of lung cancer and copd? The answer is yes. Then l think why? With current statistics as they are at least one or two of my friends will also encounter a cancer diagnosis. Am as l say unwittingly trying to convey you can live 'well' with an end stage prognosis or should l now be letting them see the 'real' me? Am l doing it so l don't lose these friendships? Friends are crucial living alone. I would be interested to know whether you hide the 'real' you? I am wondering about friendship at end stage as l am the first in my group of friends and have noone to relate to. Thank goodness for this subgroup where l can raise this topic x
Hi Pocita
It was only last year when i lost my one remaining friend to cancer. and i will surely be missing him as i selfishly enjoy the final series of Game of Thrones, (fingers crossed). We are both massive fans and i know how gutted he was to know he wasn't going to live long enough to see it. I'm hoping to restrain myself till the last episode before having one last binge with a framed photo of him facing the TV 
. Couldn't help but have a peek at your profile, and may i say how inspiring it is to see a obvious sense of humor alongside the courage you have in accepting your demise. Your certainly more brave than i am, 
.
Jim x
Hi Pocita
Thanks for taking the time to reply to my post. Apologies for not replying sooner but, it's been thanks to me "mistakenly" taken out my vented and frustrated anger out on a broken down washing machine that i ended up out of bounds for a couple of days!,. A long story?, that will deservedly be left at the landfill 
. Your correct to "surmise" i be a Scot?, but living in the top end of North Somerset. I too don't have sky but I'm able to cast to my TV from a App on my phone, One episode in the bank for now, and can only hope i can keep my itchy fingers in my pocket?. Season 4 you say?, well, you know you "Can't" stop there, but rest assured', there will be no spoilers from me. My friend (George) bless him, "yes" deservedly special as we had been friends since going way back to our Primary school days. I will at some point soon?, fill in, and share a bit more about myself on my profile.
Yours Respectfully Jim. x
Hi Pocita
Gosh X2 eh?, so near yet so far. GoT- So your all in to having "more" late nights as you move on to season 5?. It only gets better so enjoy!, even the grim parts. Facebook?, it feels an age since i was last on there, and the same:, never felt a need to mention my illness. My Doctor has only this week arranged for someone from the hospice to come visit me so, will learn soon where and what the plans may be?. With the good weather that's been promised?, 20+ degrees they say?, i hope you too have a very happy Easter.
Take care, Jim x
Feel like a child with a new toy with my new washing machine!. So many unnecessary washing to do 
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