Hi everyone, I don't know where to start to look for help really.
I discovered I had breast cancer a year ago. I had surgery to remove the cancer and some very severe chemotherapy and radiotherapy which finished in January this year.
I tried to be positive and proactive throughout it all...I have great family and friends, work were brilliant, I had a lovely set of wigs, body lotions etc
My biggest aim ,apart from being well, was to get back to work.. I was deputy head at a big primary school and absolutely loved my job.
I was excited to go back on a phased return after Easter this year but totally unprepared for the exhaustion that came with it. I was very quickly bone tired and my brain couldn't function as quickly as it used to. I didn't feel I could do the job properly anymore and despite all the support and encouragement I had from work, I decided to retire. After 37 years of teaching, 20 of them at my current school, it was a huge decision but I felt, and still feel, it was the right one.
Am overwhelming sense of depression, feeling useless, being a failure has suddenly come over me and I can't shake it. I feel like I tried my best but cancer has taken away my job which was a huge part of my life. I'm really tired and haven't much energy to find another job at the moment but am frightened of being isolated and worthless now. I feel as if everyone is getting on with their life...which is as it should be...but I've become nothing. Friends have been so supportive while I've been I'll....I don't want to put this on them aswell. Not sure where to turn to.
Thank you for reading
Good to hear this Alison. Many folks do get others to read the paper as it does unpack the forgotten 1/3rd well. I do know that others print out copies for family and friends but also to give to their employers.
Yes folks will actually come back to me and say that they think that the paper had been written just about them. But I would always challenge folks to become proactive after reading through it and using it as a vehicle for change and life improvement.
So get a note book or some sheets of paper and put pen to paper - it is a good way forward.
So a page per subject heading. Start detailing the things you have done already to move life on in each area and then start to set some achievable goals to work towards.
When you achieve the first goal on each lists, tick it off and then put a new goal at the bottom of the list. By doing this you can actually see your progress and celebrate achievements. When I say celebrate I do mean giving yourself treats and gifts........ you have life - celebrate it.
The headings would be:
What steps am I taking to regain trusts in my body?
What steps am I taking to regain trust in myself?
What steps am I taking to overcome living with uncertainty?
What steps am I taking to deal with the world?
What steps am I taking to regain mastery and control of my life?
Try it, the future is sitting in front of you - think about driving a car. The big windscreen shows the future, the past is in the little mirrors and is getting smaller and more fuzzy as we move forward.....if you concentrate on the past you crash.
The note books that we kept over our 23 years had all the important stuff like appointment info and all the questions we asked etc….. the back pages had our dreams, our dreams for what we would do once treatment was complete and I am happy to say there are a good number of dreams with big ticks beside them 
