I was actually born with jaw bone cancer didn't get noticed till I was 3 or 4 I was on a test chemo meaning it was still getting researched at the time I was on chemo for 3-5 years told it was benign and full discharged at 12 I'm 22 now and I just get flashes of memories of all the kids I knew and In the middle of the night the alarms going off and them being taken away when I was younger I was fed stories that they got better lived lives but now I know that isn't true I look at me one of the only ones that did get out and I've done nothing with my life I feel ungrateful for my second chance I often wonder what if it were me that died and one of them survived would they have done better than me I feel like I don't deserve to be the one that survived I wasted my life that was already a miracle why was it me and not one of them
Hi Rabbid and I see it’s your first post so welcome to the community.
Sorry to read about your story….. I can only imagine the experiences you had at such a young age.
I have been on my journey with 2 types of very rare Non Hodgkin’s Lymphoma (one incurable) for 3 years long than you have been alive….. we have to navigate our personal rollercoaster as best as we can.
A lot of people have said they were so sorry that I had such a hard time over my many years if treatment but I often say that I am content to have went through this in the hone that none of my family including my 4 granddaughters won’t have to.
A number your back my wife and I sat in our lounge with 2 very good friends and their wives…… both had cancer….. we raised a glass of good single malt and agreed that the last man (and their wife) standing had to live their life to the full as a celebration of those who had gone before….. and that what I am doing.
I have had to deal with survivors guilt but I got some great support at our local Maggie's Centre as they were able to help me unpick this and put it firmly to bed.
I was diagnosed in 1999 age 44 when our 2 daughters were 14 and 18…… but we went on to see our daughters graduate, get married, set up very successful businesses and provide us with 4 beautiful granddaughters….. I turn 70 at the end of this year and I am now 9 years 8 months since my last treatment.
My aim is to live a great life and continue to look forward to what else life has in store for us to enjoy…….. life is a gift…… don’t waste it.
