Hi everyone, I don't know where to start to look for help really.
I discovered I had breast cancer a year ago. I had surgery to remove the cancer and some very severe chemotherapy and radiotherapy which finished in January this year.
I tried to be positive and proactive throughout it all...I have great family and friends, work were brilliant, I had a lovely set of wigs, body lotions etc
My biggest aim ,apart from being well, was to get back to work.. I was deputy head at a big primary school and absolutely loved my job.
I was excited to go back on a phased return after Easter this year but totally unprepared for the exhaustion that came with it. I was very quickly bone tired and my brain couldn't function as quickly as it used to. I didn't feel I could do the job properly anymore and despite all the support and encouragement I had from work, I decided to retire. After 37 years of teaching, 20 of them at my current school, it was a huge decision but I felt, and still feel, it was the right one.
Am overwhelming sense of depression, feeling useless, being a failure has suddenly come over me and I can't shake it. I feel like I tried my best but cancer has taken away my job which was a huge part of my life. I'm really tired and haven't much energy to find another job at the moment but am frightened of being isolated and worthless now. I feel as if everyone is getting on with their life...which is as it should be...but I've become nothing. Friends have been so supportive while I've been I'll....I don't want to put this on them aswell. Not sure where to turn to.
Thank you for reading
Hi again Kobe16 and well done navigating across to this little corner of the Community.
I often think that the post treatment journey to be the forgotten 1/3. As this 1/3 can for some folks prove to be as hard or even harder than the first 2/3 being diagnosis and treatment.
As you know I retired from teaching coming up to 11 years back (I retired at 55) having worked all through my various treatments for 12 years. I have an incurable blood cancer and eventually the stress of the changes in education and the ever increasing need for treatments I took early retirement.
Only for my condition to become aggressive requiring some long full on treatments…… now 6.5 years out from treatment I am getting in with living a life that was hard fought for.
The past 6+ years have not been straight forward with many many post treatment none cancer ‘left overs’….. but things have settled down-ish now.
You said you were checking out for a Maggie's Centre near to you. These folks are amazing and great provide support especially some very effective one on one post treatment support…… that I have found invaluable.
When I say ‘local’ - I stay in Inverness in the Highlands and our Maggie’s is very local to us…. but I have sat with folks who will regularly do a 4-5 hr round trip drive just to take advantage of the support available.
You are definitely not worthless but I can understand you fear of being isolated…… but you are here so you have made a good start to reduce this isolation.
I have been on my journey for over 23 years now and support has been very important. As a family my wife and I have walked this together with my two daughter all the way. Our friends have been great and there are a few who have been extra supportive willing to work through the hard times post treatment.
Don't beat yourself up, you have endured things that the body is just not designed to go through, you are still standing and there is a way through this….. we are here to walk some of the journey with you ((hugs))
Good morning Alison, I remember my last day in teaching. I had been signed off for 3 months as my condition (Skin) had deteriorated so was having more intense skin treatments.
At the start of my 3 months off there was a push to reduce staff levels so early retirement offer were put out to all staff, that was the seed that flourished over my intense skin treatments and resulted in my decision to go.
There was not ‘get together’ or cake, just went to HR (I worked in a large FE College) and sat in a small room with members of HR and signed some paper work….. all rather surreal but it was definitely ‘time to move on’.
In this group I often talk about the ‘concept’ that when we first get our cancer diagnosis we all get an invisible ruck-sack put on our backs.
We then walk through our journey including our treatments, clinics, blood tests, scans, side effects……. and unknowingly, we continually throw stuff into the ruck-sack…… and the stuff builds up. It’s only when we finished our treatment (rang the bell?) and look to try and ‘live’ life we realise that it’s not that straight forward.
This is due to the weight of the ‘stuff’ we have collected in the ruck-sack pulling us down…. stuff like pent-up anxiety and stress, the ‘what if’s’, the difficulty in seeing a way forward with life, the silly things people said during and after treatment….. the list goes on.
There comes a time when we hit ‘the wall’ and this is the point when this ruck-sack needs to be taken off our backs and over time cleaned out. It’s not an instant fix but a process…. but the healing and re-building process can only start when we are willing to do it and to achieve this we often need help.
One thing I did have to deal with was survivors guilt as I lost some very good friends to different cancers over my years and "why did I survive and they did not".......... but I got some great help through our Maggie's Centre especially their Where Now? Course
I do hope you will find doing the course will provide some good building blocks to start building this new and exciting part of your life.
You may also find it helpful to make a cuppa and have a look at this great paper After Treatment Finishes - Then What? by Dr Peter Harvey as it highlights the post treatment milestones…… do come back with your thoughts on the paper. Even 6 years out from my last treatment I often have a look through the paper as it is a good reminder that this is a journey ((hugs)£
I was just thinking that you may find it helpful to consider putting your story into your profile.
In the early days post treatment it was helpful as it was a reminder as to the progress I had made and the battles I had won…… it is also a great support for other looking for threads of hope that can help them see a future post treatment.
If you do your profile first type it up (I use the ‘notes’ app in my iPhone) as you can add and change it then copy and paste into your profile.
There is a link at the very bottom of my posts that shows you how to add your profile ((hugs))
So what did you get from reading through the After Treatment Finishes - Then What? paper?
