I got diagnosed with TNBC in June 2023. It will be exactly 2 years on 21st June 2025. I had chemo from July 23 - December 23 and a lumpectomy in January 2024. I continued with radiotherapy in March 2024 and continued with immunotherapy until August 2024. I went on the 6 weeks Macmillan counselling session, the HOPE course and Moving Forward courses and met some great ladies and we do meet up for coffee and a catch up.
What no one tells you about cancer is that it never leaves you! The emotional impact of this illness is greater than anticipated. I suffered many side effects of chemo, lost my hair, still have peripheral neuropathy in my fingers and toes, chronic fatigue and currently undoing treatment for Lymphoedema in the breast!
I do get flash backs when my mobile phone suddenly displays memories and photos of the previous years and sometimes I wonder how I managed to survive and how I went through this gruesome treatment! Two years in medical terms is still seen as "recovery" as you navigate the side effects of chemo and treatment.... but two years of YOUR LIFE turned completely upside down is not easy to contemplate or indeed embrace!
When you are diagnosed with cancer, it knocks you for six and then your survival instincts kicks in! You are on auto pilot to get rid of this dreadful disease! When you are finally given the all clear, its a great relief but you still soldier on nonetheless. What no one tell you is what if leaves behind. Family and friends tell you that you "look well" and your treatment to them only serves as a distant memory... and you carry on as "normal" because life must go on!
Cancer robs you of everything that "was you" before your diagnosis. Your strength is not what it used to be, you still suffer the side effects of chemo and suddenly you find yourself without a regular monthly salary and it can be soul destroying. We all know of a cancer survivors and sadly of someone who did not survive. But no one prepare you for when cancer knocks on YOUR DOOR! Because it changes your whole perception of your LIFE. An illness even though you are given the "all clear" still hunts you and serves as a constant reminder in your life! When the slight lump or bump causes anxieties. When the anniversary of your diagnosis brings sadness and when you your annual mammogram is due, fills you with dread and anticipation!
We are grateful that we did survive cancer, but what a way to celebrate survival! I just want to share that its ok to have these thoughts and its normal. Sadly friends and family do not share this emotional battle because they see you as "doing well". And you solder on regardless. I carry on with my daily life activities and like to keep active! I love housework, cooking, walking and have revisited my love for arts and crafts which has been a life saver! When you are creating something you mind is transported and you pour yourself into what you are creating and its so therapeutic. But I know that I am far from "normal"....
I have my mammogram today (June 17th ) and I am filled with so much uncertainties. For the rest of the 5 years I feel like I am like a child learning how to ride a bicycle of the first time, you want the experts to hold on and to not let go! But at the end of the day its your life, its your battle and its your survival. Not the experts, not your friends nor your family. Its hard to put in words your feelings because the end of cancer treatment and the all clear does not leave you "fulfilled"! What it leaves you with is "gratitude"...for making it thus far....
Your life is never going to be the same, but you have to learn to live with your new normal and live your life the best way you can - it all about YOU! leave your old life behind, embrace this new life and let your life fit into your new life! Celebrate the highs and the lows in your life and strive to live with a condition that although has left your body, still leaves a mark, both visible and invisible. Life goes on,this too shall pass, it has pass, it will pass.... but the trail it leaves behind is inevitable...Our hope and prayer is never to revisit this journey again in our lifetime..... It is a life battle, but remember....No one fights this alone.
Hi Thistooshallpass welcome to the forum..I hope that your Mammogram has gone well and now the inevitable wait for results begins. Your post and all it's contents are wonderful and so true many others need to see this and I hope they will..I feel sure that for many of us, and I include myself in that, you have put onto a post all that we all feel but often can't find words to describe so thank you for that.you are completely right by saying no one of us is ever alone.. I hope that you are well and thank you again for sharing such an inspirational, very true post. Sending hugs your way Gail xxx
