How to talk about cancer - a year on!

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Hi everyone! 

I’m a year in remission, after having treatment for Non-Hodgkin Lymphoma, stage 2. After 10 rounds of chemo, an operation to remove some of my lung and a bone marrow transplant, I haven’t had a relapse (yay!). However, cancer dramatically changed my life. I lost my boyfriend of 8 years and had to move out of my house and start a new life completely on my own after all the trials I had already gone through.
A year on, I am now seeing someone new. My last relationship didn’t end on good terms and so I am struggling with an array of trust issues. The smallest thing can set off a trigger and make me remember all the horrible experiences from my treatment. My new partner wants to understand, wants to help, but I am struggling to open up to him about my cancer journey. 
I guess I’m just wondering if anyone here can offer some advice on how to open up to someone about everything? If there’s any tips or tricks to learning to trust someone again, and hope that my cancer experiences doesn’t scare off someone I’m starting to really care about.

  • Hi again , good to see you navigated over to this corner and you have put up your post.

    As I said in your other post I don’t have any experience to bring to the table but let’s look for some of the others to come along and help you out.

    Mike (Thehighlander)

    It always seems impossible until its done - Nelson Mandela

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  • Hi , good for you to keep trying .(. , might the paper help here?) If the new people in your life were to read it, it might help them understand or at the least provide a starting talking point. I gave this to my family, but also my line management at school, to try and educate them!!

    Really wish you well in your journey. ((Hugs))

  • Hi  its like we have a secret code ;) but yes thank you.

     make a cuppa and have a look at the great paper that has been mentioned.

    After Treatment Finishes - Then What? by Dr Peter Harvey as it highlights the post treatment milestones for rebuilding life.

    As Gemmary has said, a good number of people use the paper as a tool to help better inform family, friends, work colleagues and employers about the post treatment life.

    Mike (Thehighlander)

    It always seems impossible until its done - Nelson Mandela

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  • , maybe!!! The thing is I think this paper could almost be compulsory reading for anyone finishing treatment, and beyond. I sometimes dip in when I'm feeling rubbish, and I helps me think this is 'normal '. It is so difficult to describe to the 'outsiders'  what the journey is, even more so when a year or 2 down the line and you are expected to be well and cured. But this is a life journey which gets better. 

  • Hello ,

    I have read your post and I am so happy you are now in remission, yay. 

    Something in your post echoed with myself. You mentioned the smallest thing triggers something and reminds you off the horrible experiences which arose from your treatment. I had a different type of cancer and anything small and stupid sets me off and not only do I recall all the awful experiences from when I was ill. I guess we have all been through a very life changing experience and now we are new and have a new life and new way of life. It takes some time to adjust but we are all getting. I am sure Mike  will say the same. 

    You have done a great deal since and well done you. With myself I have to set myself goals and try an achieve them. It helps me if I have something to focus on, rather than what I have been through.

    Sending you love and good vibes,

    Lisa

    xxxxxxxxxx

  • Sending you some (((hugs))) , keep going!

  • Hi ,

    Thank you fo your kind comments. And sending love and good vibes to you.

    Lisa

    xxxxxxxxxx

  • Thank you everyone! I showed my partner that article, and he said it really helped him. I think it’s definitely a stepping off point, and a place to start opening up this conversation. I really appreciate you’re suggestions and support <3 xxx 

    Kirsty x
  • Hi Kirsty  this is very encouraging. Often the honest up front approach is the way to go for some. The paper highlights 5 very important areas that need to be worked on and maintained…… a ‘stepping off point’ is a great mental picture.

    This brings back the memory of the scene from Indiana Jones film The Last Crusade, where, according to the map he’s following, Indy has to cross an invisible bridge to get to the Holy Grail.

    The only way for the bridge to appear is to step out into what appears to be the void. It takes a literal leap of faith that support will be there for the next step to appear.

    This is where you are at at the moment Wink

    Mike (Thehighlander)

    It always seems impossible until its done - Nelson Mandela

    Community Champion Badge

  • Whoa, don't like the sound of that !!!

    glad the paper was of use! Take care!