My sister is so angry I had cancer

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Hi everyone

In 2019 (and 2020) I was diagnosed with stage 3 oesophageal cancer but it's gone (touch wood)

Throughout my sister took care of me under immense pressure because our mother didn't care or help and our father tried a bit to help but is a difficult man. The rest of my family are awful and we felt really on our own. I knew she was struggling and I even started to do things on my own to help her, for example, I drove myself to and from radiotherapy every day and I started going to scans on my own even.

I'm the oldest and she's always come to me for support whereas I've always dealt with things alone so she's not used to giving any time to my problems.

For the past couple of years she's been just permanently furious with me, talks to me like a piece of crap and takes the tiniest opportunity to have a go. She also had her wedding in that time, they went to America and she knew from the first planning I wasn't going to be able to go. They also had a small do back in England and she was basically vile all year. I gave her some leeway because it was her wedding and also, frankly, because I was scared to lose my only support and was weak.

I've been having therapy and now I stick up for myself so lots of arguments are now happening. When I say anything critical of her she yells at me AFTER EVERYTHING I'VE DONE FOR YOU

She's really stressing me out. She can't be angry at me for having cancer!!!! And because she helped so much at the time she thinks I'm never allowed to criticise her ever again!? Even about completely unrelated issues.

We were very close and I don't know if this can be repaired because she seems to hate me now?

Susan13 17 hours ago

She sounds angry. Perhaps she resents that she was left alone to deal with this. Clearly you had other family that *should* have stepped up but didn't. I'm no psychologist but I would guess that you are the only person she feels safe enough to express anger with.

That said, she will need to recognize and accept her feelings before this will get better. Joint counseling would help but she'd need to buy into it.

Basically, you can offer her opportunities to fix it but you cannot control her choices or her reactions.

If I were you and counseling were not an option, I'd write her a letter and express appreciation for all she did for you as well as how much her friendship has meant to you through the years. Say nothing about her recent behavior. She knows very well how she is acting. If the letter doesn't soften her behavior towards you, give her lots of space. Keep in touch, but don't live with a steady diet of her verbal abuse. Take care of yourself first.

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