The others!

Hi Marie Mecca and welcome across to this little corner of the community.

As a starting point you me find it helpful to make a cuppa and have a look at this great paper After Treatment Finishes - Then What? by Dr Peter Harvey as it highlights the post treatment milestones.

Nope, Mecca, unfortunately you are not the only one. Just come on here and rant if you need to get it out of your system, we all understand!

oh Mecca , I totally get where you’re coming from . I’ve just had my first all clear scans a year after diagnosis snd treatment , and now I’m getting pats on the back and hugs and “ thank god that’s over “ To be honest I’m still reeling  from it all . The memories are all still so fresh and all my anxieties seem to be really coming to a head at the moment . It’s like you don’t have time to take it all in when you’re going through it all . I feel like I’m living on my nerves . Big hug to you , you are not alone XX

Hi NellyB the post treatment part of the journey can be just as challenging as the diagnosis and treatment part. You are going to find that those who have not walked the treatment journey will not understand fully what you have been through and what the post treatment recovery over is like.

You may want to have a look at this great paper After Treatment Finishes - Then What? by Dr Peter Harvey that I posted further up this discussion. I know some folks who have actually sent their family and friends a copy for them to read - this tends to be a light bulb moment for them.

Hi Mike , WOW I’ve just read the paper . What a fantastic read . In fact it made me cry, I’m going to ask my husband to read it . I’ve not long joined this group and I’m already feeling great comfort knowing a lot of us feel the same after treatment ,

many thanks , Nelly XX

Good morning NellyB good you had a WOW reaction. I find that this is normal as the paper does a great job of highlighting the milestones in the post treatment recovery.

Most folks who regularly post in this group know me well in that I promote the need to define our post treatment lIves rather than our lives being defined by our cancer experiences.

I have been on my cancer journey for over 22 years (hit my community name for my story) My cancer is incurable and may well return, but at the moment I am 5 years into remission - the longest period of remission I have ever had - getting my  

One of the lessons I learned very early on was the space between our ears makes moving on with life very hard at times so it’s all about taking control over this…… defining how our life develops rather than us fit in with what we think we should feel like, what others say you should be doing and all the negative stories we can read.

The paper should be read frequently by you and your family and friends as it’s like a roadmap to recovery.

Many in this group also know that I would always challenge folks to become proactive after reading through the paper and using it as a vehicle for change and life improvement.

So get a note book or some sheets of paper and put pen to paper - it is a good way forward.

So a page per subject heading. Start detailing the things you have done already to move life on in each area and then start to set some achievable goals to work towards. 

When you achieve the first goal on each lists, tick it off and then put a new goal at the bottom of the list.

By doing this you can actually see your progress and celebrate achievements.

When I say celebrate I do mean giving yourself treats and gifts........ you have life - celebrate it.

The headings would be:

What steps am I taking to regain trusts in my body?

What steps am I taking to regain trust in myself?

What steps am I taking to overcome living with uncertainty?

What steps am I taking to deal with the world?

What steps am I taking to regain mastery and control of my life?

Try it, the future is sitting in front of you - think about driving a car. The big windscreen shows the future, the past is in the little mirrors and is getting smaller and more fuzzy as we move forward.....if you concentrate on the past you crash.

Thank you for the very helpful reply . I’ve started a diary and already finding it helpful. I shall add those headings , very interesting and it’s already making me think . I’ve struggled all my life with anxiety ( depression comes hand in hand with that ) and I knew I would be fighting two battles as soon as I was diagnosed and the one between my ears seems to have taken over . Macmillan put me in touch with a cancer psychiatrist which helped a lot and I’ve been given tools to help but as time has gone on I’m finding my thoughts are taking over again . I only had 6 sessions and it was straight after treatment finished back in January. 
ive just read your story and good lord you really have been through the ringer . Thank you for sharing ….. and thank you for caring , love Nelly X

Hi Mecca, your post was as if I had written it myself!  I had a 'lucky journey' if that can even be used to describe the experience as I was diagnosed as part of a routine mammogram and caught at a very early stage.  

I was diagnosed then had to support everyone else's tears and snot bubbles and stay high spirited to make sure no-one else worried - it was exhausting!  And now a month after finishing radiotherapy I too am facing the "oh, really, I thought you were sorted now"?  "You can't be still sore"? 

Your post has actually made me feel so much better, in so much as its not me, it is them.  So thank you for being brave enough to raise this.  Chin up my lovely and know you are not alone on this journey that we never actually bought a ticket for, but are being made to take. 

The paper recommended by Thehighlander below is well worth a read if you haven't already done so and I am certainly going to make my husband read it!   

Hello Mecca and Mrsears

I read your posts and these resonated with myself.

When I was diagnosed all my so called "friends" and family we in tears, which I thought while it is very nice you feel this way about me, why are you upset? it is me who has to go through this rubbish. I went through treatment and numerous operations and all my friends dropped off and now none of them bother. Lovely aren't they?. My aunt tells me that I am better now and her boyfriend told me to "stop wallowing!". One of my friends, who I dropped, told me I was always looking for sympathy and I was pathetic! All because my mum's doctor asked me how I was getting on after being in hospital. Most people (apart from on here)  are cruel, cold and callous. It was my mum and dad who helped me and went through treatment and operations with me. 

Be your own best friend because you will be the best one you will ever have.

Love and good vibes,