Are friends and family ever enough?

FormerMember
FormerMember
  • 4596 replies
  • 5 subscribers
  • 2400603 views



Andrew, who began this thread, sadly died in September 2008, but his friends wished that his thread remain open in his memory, particularly to promote Andrew's idea of 'dancing away cancer' each Friday at 3pm. Please feel free to post your dance tunes every Friday in his memory.


Macmillan admin


Hello everyone,

this is my topic to start and its a question that has been burning around the back of my mind for the last few days.

I always thought that having a small group of very close friends was enough for anyone, ok you always have work colleagues and other acquaintances but the main group of my friends has remained within a steady little group of five people for nigh on the last twenty years. We have shared almost, if not all, of what life can show you over that period and nothing has every served to tear us very far apart for long.

There have always times when partners/other friends/own family have been more important to us and always been times when we are more important to each other and perhaps have taken some of this for granted and assumed that it will always be thus. I have reached the opinion that I have for certain.

Then you get cancer! Things change I suppose but I have cancer and all of a sudden things are important to me that weren't before and they have an impact on others which were not anticipated.

First I need to say that my friends have been great through this initial part of my illness and there is nothing to say that this position is going to change immediately - rather its me that seems to be changing and not them. I am having doubts about my ability to cope with what is happening to me and what may happen in the immediate future, I am doubting my friends willingness to hear what I have to say when they ask that questions each day "How are you?", I don't want to say "OK thanks" each time when I am not OK,

I want to say "it bloody hurts" and "I don't feel well at all" and "I think its really unfair that I have this disease and you don't" (that one really stings in your head and even if its not at all true, sometimes you can't help yourself thinking it even fleetingly).

Then after that I get guilty about having the disease and having those bad thoughts that seem to go along with it all. I keep thinking that I am asking too much of them now in terms of emotional and physical help and what if their well runs dry later when I need them even more than I do now and they have nothing left to give me. Then I think that that is a really selfish "me, me me" attitude to have and that gets me really down - can you be guilty about a guilty thought which in itself is only a selfish thought about feeling guilty - just how big a knot is that one to unravel.

Anyway before I drive all away completely with this "hymn to the depressed" that brings around the original thought I had;

- can you use up and wear out your friends and family with this thing before you need them most?

Thanks for reading (if you managed to get through the dirge without laughing too much) and any thoughts are appreciated.

Cheers

Andrew



  • FormerMember
    FormerMember in reply to moomy

    Evening Ladies,

    My song for today is Whitney Huston - One moment in time, slow dance, a tribute to her all those we have loved and lost. http://youtu.be/zD6wcgYZdkk

    Love to al

    lMaryxxxx

  • FormerMember
    FormerMember in reply to FormerMember

    Good evening.

    Been having trouble with my broadband so missed posting yesterday.

    My song for yesterday is 'I Wanna Dance With Somebody' by Whitney. Such a sad end for a great talent.

    Moomy, so pleased Caz continues to make progress.

    Enjoy the rest of the weekend.

    love, Anne.x

  • FormerMember
    FormerMember in reply to FormerMember

    Good morning all,

    My song for today is going to be 'Somebody That I Used To Know' by Goyte, (Sp?)

    A bit TGIF this week for me. Hope to see an improvement in the next one.

    Hope everyone has as good a weekend as possible.

    love, Anne.x

  • Hi folks, it's Friday and time to post your dance song for 'dance the c**p out of cancer' at 3pm......

    my tune today (as I listened to some while having my lovely back massage) was going to be some of the Bruch Violin concerto but it wasn't really a good pice to dance to, so instead I'll choose 'Spring' from Vivaldi's Four Seasons! 

    Have a good Friday! 

    H x

    Moomy

  • Friday, 3pm, do post a song for 'Dance the C**p out of Cancer' and then enjoy your jig......

    my song today is a real 'oldie', I'm looking forward to Spring so it's 'When April Sings', Deanna Durbin....

    www.youtube.com/watch?v=oog1u_mbyr8

    Moomy

  • FormerMember
    FormerMember in reply to moomy

    Morning all, My song for today is 'Daydream Believer' by The Monkees.

    I used to have quite a crush on Davy Jones. Sad to hear of his death.

    Have a lovely weekend. love, Anne.x

  • Anne, that was a really good tune you posted last Friday, can I hi-jack it for today? Hope everyone is looking forward to a good weekend after your dance today! xx

    Moomy

  • FormerMember
    FormerMember in reply to moomy

    Sorry I'm late. No time at all today and visitors when I got home. Alone at last and my song for today is 'Last Train To Clarkesville'. I intend to have my own private Monkees retrospective for a while...until memory fails me, anyway.

    Have a good weekend, love, Anne.x.

  • FormerMember
    FormerMember in reply to FormerMember

    A bit more organised this week! My song is 'Hey, Hey We're The Monkees' by you know who.

    Have a good weekend to anyone who reads this.

    love, Anne.x

  • Now it's me who is disorganised! 

    My tune today, 'Thank You For The Music' by ABBA, sorry it's late, been gardening! 

    Have a good weekend, folks!

    Moomy