Are friends and family ever enough?

FormerMember
FormerMember
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Andrew, who began this thread, sadly died in September 2008, but his friends wished that his thread remain open in his memory, particularly to promote Andrew's idea of 'dancing away cancer' each Friday at 3pm. Please feel free to post your dance tunes every Friday in his memory.


Macmillan admin


Hello everyone,

this is my topic to start and its a question that has been burning around the back of my mind for the last few days.

I always thought that having a small group of very close friends was enough for anyone, ok you always have work colleagues and other acquaintances but the main group of my friends has remained within a steady little group of five people for nigh on the last twenty years. We have shared almost, if not all, of what life can show you over that period and nothing has every served to tear us very far apart for long.

There have always times when partners/other friends/own family have been more important to us and always been times when we are more important to each other and perhaps have taken some of this for granted and assumed that it will always be thus. I have reached the opinion that I have for certain.

Then you get cancer! Things change I suppose but I have cancer and all of a sudden things are important to me that weren't before and they have an impact on others which were not anticipated.

First I need to say that my friends have been great through this initial part of my illness and there is nothing to say that this position is going to change immediately - rather its me that seems to be changing and not them. I am having doubts about my ability to cope with what is happening to me and what may happen in the immediate future, I am doubting my friends willingness to hear what I have to say when they ask that questions each day "How are you?", I don't want to say "OK thanks" each time when I am not OK,

I want to say "it bloody hurts" and "I don't feel well at all" and "I think its really unfair that I have this disease and you don't" (that one really stings in your head and even if its not at all true, sometimes you can't help yourself thinking it even fleetingly).

Then after that I get guilty about having the disease and having those bad thoughts that seem to go along with it all. I keep thinking that I am asking too much of them now in terms of emotional and physical help and what if their well runs dry later when I need them even more than I do now and they have nothing left to give me. Then I think that that is a really selfish "me, me me" attitude to have and that gets me really down - can you be guilty about a guilty thought which in itself is only a selfish thought about feeling guilty - just how big a knot is that one to unravel.

Anyway before I drive all away completely with this "hymn to the depressed" that brings around the original thought I had;

- can you use up and wear out your friends and family with this thing before you need them most?

Thanks for reading (if you managed to get through the dirge without laughing too much) and any thoughts are appreciated.

Cheers

Andrew



  • FormerMember
    FormerMember in reply to moomy

    my song for today is called 'Rosie'


    Rosie, oh Rosie
    It's raining when you look the other way
    Rosie, oh Rosie
    Your laughter brings the sunshine out to play

    Sue xx

  • FormerMember
    FormerMember in reply to moomy

    I agree Helen - 'Fight the good fight....' xx

  • FormerMember
    FormerMember in reply to FormerMember

    Good morning

    To you all and my song today is song bird by  fleetwood mac .Well i do hope you are as

    well as can be and i hope you all have a nice weekend .

    much love liz xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

  • FormerMember
    FormerMember in reply to FormerMember

    hi, Liz

    My song for today is 'you're my first, my last, my everything' by Barry White.

    sue xx

  • Hi Everyone

    My song for today is The Prayer sung by Celine Dion and Josh Groban.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jhxIjRO6WjI

    Have a good weekend everyone.

    Love Crystal xx

  • FormerMember
    FormerMember in reply to crystalclear

    Arms aloft - my song for 3pm today is Queen's "I Want to Break Free".........

  • FormerMember
    FormerMember in reply to FormerMember

    Good Morning everyone.

    Could I please join in todays Dance the C**p out of Cancer.  My song today will be Neil Youngs' 'Harvest Moon'.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RMA-_ElvKsk&feature=related

    Many well wishes to everybody.

    Christine

    xxx

  • Hey, Christine, good to see you posting! 

    My song once again is for Rosie, 'fight the good fight' 

    Moomy

  • FormerMember
    FormerMember in reply to moomy

    Afternoon all

    My song for this week's 'dance the c**p out of cancer' is 'Smile' from a certain young lady's CD.................xxxx

  • FormerMember
    FormerMember in reply to FormerMember

    Good morning to you all

    My song for this week is i,ll be there.

    well i do you all have

    a great day & weekend

     

    much love liz xxxxxxxx