Are friends and family ever enough?

FormerMember
FormerMember
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Andrew, who began this thread, sadly died in September 2008, but his friends wished that his thread remain open in his memory, particularly to promote Andrew's idea of 'dancing away cancer' each Friday at 3pm. Please feel free to post your dance tunes every Friday in his memory.


Macmillan admin


Hello everyone,

this is my topic to start and its a question that has been burning around the back of my mind for the last few days.

I always thought that having a small group of very close friends was enough for anyone, ok you always have work colleagues and other acquaintances but the main group of my friends has remained within a steady little group of five people for nigh on the last twenty years. We have shared almost, if not all, of what life can show you over that period and nothing has every served to tear us very far apart for long.

There have always times when partners/other friends/own family have been more important to us and always been times when we are more important to each other and perhaps have taken some of this for granted and assumed that it will always be thus. I have reached the opinion that I have for certain.

Then you get cancer! Things change I suppose but I have cancer and all of a sudden things are important to me that weren't before and they have an impact on others which were not anticipated.

First I need to say that my friends have been great through this initial part of my illness and there is nothing to say that this position is going to change immediately - rather its me that seems to be changing and not them. I am having doubts about my ability to cope with what is happening to me and what may happen in the immediate future, I am doubting my friends willingness to hear what I have to say when they ask that questions each day "How are you?", I don't want to say "OK thanks" each time when I am not OK,

I want to say "it bloody hurts" and "I don't feel well at all" and "I think its really unfair that I have this disease and you don't" (that one really stings in your head and even if its not at all true, sometimes you can't help yourself thinking it even fleetingly).

Then after that I get guilty about having the disease and having those bad thoughts that seem to go along with it all. I keep thinking that I am asking too much of them now in terms of emotional and physical help and what if their well runs dry later when I need them even more than I do now and they have nothing left to give me. Then I think that that is a really selfish "me, me me" attitude to have and that gets me really down - can you be guilty about a guilty thought which in itself is only a selfish thought about feeling guilty - just how big a knot is that one to unravel.

Anyway before I drive all away completely with this "hymn to the depressed" that brings around the original thought I had;

- can you use up and wear out your friends and family with this thing before you need them most?

Thanks for reading (if you managed to get through the dirge without laughing too much) and any thoughts are appreciated.

Cheers

Andrew



  • FormerMember
    FormerMember
    Lou REED SANG THAT ONE
  • FormerMember
    FormerMember
    ta juls , it has been driving me nuts ..............i hate it when i hear something and then cant remember who sang it ,,,,,,,i knew that i knew it , but could i blimming think of it ?.....noooooooooo!!

    suexxxxxxxx
  • FormerMember
    FormerMember
    Hi to all who are still here,

    Sue,

    i love that Lou Reed song and always have done, it was produced by David Bowie and he plays the saxaphone solo on it as well. So thank you very much for the dedication =- I don't think i will be doing much walking for the rest of the day be it on the wild or tame side - lol - as i just can't seem to shake off this back ache today. Its been nagging at me since this morning and won't shift.

    Anyway just git back in after going for a b'day haircut and a short drive around (with roof down of course) i had to get out as cleaner comes thursday afternoons and i don't think she likes me under her feet!!

    She's done an excellent job as usual including cleaning the fridge out which sorely needed it.

    Perhaps the back is because i slept in bed instead of sitting upright on the sofa and my back needs to adjust to the prone position!! Don't worry i won't be going back to the sofa and will give the bed another try tonight.

    Just taken the tea time meds so aches and pains should wear off shortly now deciding what to have for tea (prior to the ubiquitous ice-cream of course), Just nothing is lighting my fire at the moment.

    Oh well when i get hungry enough my stomach will think of something i am sure I'll just wait until then!

    Maybe a diazepam sandwich will do something for me - at least I'll have fun halicinating man eating cheese or some such thing - Godzilla the giant cucumber - lol -

    Andrew
    xx
  • FormerMember
    FormerMember
    Hi Liz,

    that sounds nice, i haven't had a jacket potato for ages, love them with beans and cheese and loads of real butter. very healthy (not) but lovely just the same!

    Andrew
    xx
  • FormerMember
    FormerMember

    Cheeky person you,

    whats funny about cheese and beans - lol -

    Andrew

    xx

  • FormerMember
    FormerMember
    nothing at all to be honest, just watch tv thats about it = what aboout you, anything special?
  • FormerMember
    FormerMember
    its really strange - i was playing all those Randy Crawford tracks here as well - i really like those and the ELO track - not so keen on the Blues Brothers ones - prefer the original versions personally.
  • FormerMember
    FormerMember
    I think I have decided what to have for tea - its going that strange and exoitc dish know as Spagetti bolognese!

    I know many of you will never have heard of this dish as it is very very rarely done in this oart of the world. It originates from a small country called Italy which the more widely travelled of you may have visited. For those unfortunates who have not its second most famous exports are, designer clothes, film stars, jockeys and shoes. Oh, and ice-cream of course - lol -

    So whilst I am cooking up a storm I am afraid I will have to ignore you - sorry.

    Maybe catch you on here later or it maybe tomorrow.

    Liz, thanks for your company for the last few minutes, have a good evening and I hope tomorrows physio is not too demanding!

    Andrew
    xx

  • FormerMember
    FormerMember
    Oh yes - tomorrow is dancing day - thankks for the reminder - everyone else please ay atttention more closely than me!

    Deffo catch you all tomorrow for that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Andrew
    xx
  • FormerMember
    FormerMember

    liz , i have kept missing you today , so hello me darlin , goodnight , sleep well , sweet dreams and see you tomorrow .

    suexxxxxxxxxx