Are friends and family ever enough?

FormerMember
FormerMember
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Andrew, who began this thread, sadly died in September 2008, but his friends wished that his thread remain open in his memory, particularly to promote Andrew's idea of 'dancing away cancer' each Friday at 3pm. Please feel free to post your dance tunes every Friday in his memory.


Macmillan admin


Hello everyone,

this is my topic to start and its a question that has been burning around the back of my mind for the last few days.

I always thought that having a small group of very close friends was enough for anyone, ok you always have work colleagues and other acquaintances but the main group of my friends has remained within a steady little group of five people for nigh on the last twenty years. We have shared almost, if not all, of what life can show you over that period and nothing has every served to tear us very far apart for long.

There have always times when partners/other friends/own family have been more important to us and always been times when we are more important to each other and perhaps have taken some of this for granted and assumed that it will always be thus. I have reached the opinion that I have for certain.

Then you get cancer! Things change I suppose but I have cancer and all of a sudden things are important to me that weren't before and they have an impact on others which were not anticipated.

First I need to say that my friends have been great through this initial part of my illness and there is nothing to say that this position is going to change immediately - rather its me that seems to be changing and not them. I am having doubts about my ability to cope with what is happening to me and what may happen in the immediate future, I am doubting my friends willingness to hear what I have to say when they ask that questions each day "How are you?", I don't want to say "OK thanks" each time when I am not OK,

I want to say "it bloody hurts" and "I don't feel well at all" and "I think its really unfair that I have this disease and you don't" (that one really stings in your head and even if its not at all true, sometimes you can't help yourself thinking it even fleetingly).

Then after that I get guilty about having the disease and having those bad thoughts that seem to go along with it all. I keep thinking that I am asking too much of them now in terms of emotional and physical help and what if their well runs dry later when I need them even more than I do now and they have nothing left to give me. Then I think that that is a really selfish "me, me me" attitude to have and that gets me really down - can you be guilty about a guilty thought which in itself is only a selfish thought about feeling guilty - just how big a knot is that one to unravel.

Anyway before I drive all away completely with this "hymn to the depressed" that brings around the original thought I had;

- can you use up and wear out your friends and family with this thing before you need them most?

Thanks for reading (if you managed to get through the dirge without laughing too much) and any thoughts are appreciated.

Cheers

Andrew



  • FormerMember
    FormerMember
    I knew i'd get told off for doinmg that but at least i was a good boy and didn'y lie about it - lol -
    did you all like the song, its one of my very favourite tunes of all time.

    Andrew
    xx
  • FormerMember
    FormerMember
    Andy we are not telling you off, just concerned about you. We are pleased that although you DID sleep, it wasn't in the best place, ie BED!
  • FormerMember
    FormerMember
    yeah i know, it is actually easier for me to get off the sofa rather than the bed - lol - but enough of the facetious remarks - i will go have a long kip this afternoon in the bed i promise.

    its just that anywhere i can get sleep i gladly take it nowadays!

    Andrew
    xx
  • FormerMember
    FormerMember
    ok will let you off then! As long as you do!
  • FormerMember
    FormerMember

    Scouts honour - i will ( and in was in the scouts so that actually means something )

    Andrew
    xx



    Camouflage

  • FormerMember
    FormerMember
    Hi Andy
    I am soo glad to hear that as I was a section leader for 15 yrs.

    I ran the Beaver section for boys aged between 6-8, but also got invloved with cubs and scouts when our two boys were in those sections. Neither of them chose to join Ventures, by then I think they had overdosed, shame as so much can be had as there is more freedom in Ventures, but this section really needs goodleadership else they just drift. I think that was the main problem at our group, poor Venture scout leadership.
  • FormerMember
    FormerMember
    you are so right about that - i left when my O levels started, it was just too much to do and study/revise etc as well. i missed it but i think i gor better results in my exams by leaving. we all have to make choices in our lives and that was mine, in some ways i regret it but in the main i think i did the right thing for me.

    Andrew
    xx
  • FormerMember
    FormerMember
    It must be summer!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    The gardeners have just turned up to mow the lawns and weed the beds - lol - about bloody time!

    Andrew
    xx
  • FormerMember
    FormerMember
    OK kids,

    I am off now to start the day - lol - i will be back on later after my chores and sleep (in bed) this afternoon, so pleasecall have a good day and i will catch up later.

    Best to all,

    Andrew
    xx
  • FormerMember
    FormerMember
    Sorry Andy got called away, work phone calls!!!

    Have a good day, speak to you later.