Are friends and family ever enough?

FormerMember
FormerMember
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Andrew, who began this thread, sadly died in September 2008, but his friends wished that his thread remain open in his memory, particularly to promote Andrew's idea of 'dancing away cancer' each Friday at 3pm. Please feel free to post your dance tunes every Friday in his memory.


Macmillan admin


Hello everyone,

this is my topic to start and its a question that has been burning around the back of my mind for the last few days.

I always thought that having a small group of very close friends was enough for anyone, ok you always have work colleagues and other acquaintances but the main group of my friends has remained within a steady little group of five people for nigh on the last twenty years. We have shared almost, if not all, of what life can show you over that period and nothing has every served to tear us very far apart for long.

There have always times when partners/other friends/own family have been more important to us and always been times when we are more important to each other and perhaps have taken some of this for granted and assumed that it will always be thus. I have reached the opinion that I have for certain.

Then you get cancer! Things change I suppose but I have cancer and all of a sudden things are important to me that weren't before and they have an impact on others which were not anticipated.

First I need to say that my friends have been great through this initial part of my illness and there is nothing to say that this position is going to change immediately - rather its me that seems to be changing and not them. I am having doubts about my ability to cope with what is happening to me and what may happen in the immediate future, I am doubting my friends willingness to hear what I have to say when they ask that questions each day "How are you?", I don't want to say "OK thanks" each time when I am not OK,

I want to say "it bloody hurts" and "I don't feel well at all" and "I think its really unfair that I have this disease and you don't" (that one really stings in your head and even if its not at all true, sometimes you can't help yourself thinking it even fleetingly).

Then after that I get guilty about having the disease and having those bad thoughts that seem to go along with it all. I keep thinking that I am asking too much of them now in terms of emotional and physical help and what if their well runs dry later when I need them even more than I do now and they have nothing left to give me. Then I think that that is a really selfish "me, me me" attitude to have and that gets me really down - can you be guilty about a guilty thought which in itself is only a selfish thought about feeling guilty - just how big a knot is that one to unravel.

Anyway before I drive all away completely with this "hymn to the depressed" that brings around the original thought I had;

- can you use up and wear out your friends and family with this thing before you need them most?

Thanks for reading (if you managed to get through the dirge without laughing too much) and any thoughts are appreciated.

Cheers

Andrew



  • Hello, Liz, good to see you posting, hope things are improving for you.....

    My song for today.......'Principal Uncertainty' from 'Smile' by Carol Jarvis........

    Moomy

  • FormerMember
    FormerMember in reply to moomy

    my song for today is Miss you babe, by the wonderful Aerosmith xx

    I could stay awake just to hear you breathing
    Watch you smile while you are sleeping
    Far away and dreaming
    I could spend my life in this sweet surrender
    I could stay lost in this moment forever
    Well, every moment spent with you
    Is a moment I treasure

    Sue xx

  • Hi Everyone

    My song for today’s dance the crap out of cancer is the Travelling Wilburys Handle With Care:

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L8s9dmuAKvU&feature=av2e

    A good weekend to all.

    Love Crystal xx

  • FormerMember
    FormerMember in reply to crystalclear

    Good morning to you all

    Well it friday it dance the crap out of cancer day and my song

    today is meatloaf with bat out of hell.Plus i hope you all have a great day and a great weekend

    much love liz xxxxx

  • FormerMember
    FormerMember in reply to moomy

    Hi Every one x

    My song for today would be
    Smile from'' smile '' by Carol Jarvis

    In memory of veronica xx

    have a lovely weekend xx

    love janice xxx

  • Hi Everyone

    My song for today is a lovely piece of cello music called Sparrow by Adam Hurst.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kX4-OMWCdCc&feature=related

    I hope everyone is well and hopefully looking forward to a peaceful and relaxing weekend.

    Love Crystal xx

  • I missed the actual time to post my song, but did jiggle about around 3 pm, to 'Sang Till Lotta' from Carol Jarvis' 'Smile'

    I was blanching runner beans at the time! 

    love and hugs to you all

    Moomy

  • FormerMember
    FormerMember in reply to moomy
    Good morning to you all my song is rain drops keep falling on my head
    and i do hope you are all as well as can be.
    much love to you all
    liz xxxxxx
  • Liz, good to see you posting, think I'll join you in that song today, hahaha, such a good choice!

    Mind you, by 3pm it might be 'The sun has got his hat on', says she in hope! 

    love and hugs to you all on here

    Moomy

  • Good morning Everyone

    It’s lovely and sunny up here near York, so I’ll send you some sunshine from here in the form of Morecambe and Wise; Bring Me Sunshine.

     

     

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vOiLsoDcudQ

    Have a good weekend.

    Love to you All

    Crystal xx