Trigger warning - Suicidal ideation
A bit of background:
My uncle (74) found out he had prostate cancer and bone cancer in his pelvis/hip in May this year. He had a short course of radiotherapy in August, but was told he couldn't have chemo due to them suspecting issues with his heart, so he's been given tablets instead. The letters he's shown me from the hospital mentioned palliative treatment. He doesn't seem to be having ongoing doctors appointments, just blood tests before collecting his next batch of tablets.
My uncle has been Deaf since childhood, with a slightly younger cognitive age. He has hearing aids and he lipreads. He used to live with my dad, but since my dad died three years ago he's been living alone. He hasn't retired so has been keeping busy working 5.5 days a week until May when his leg gave out at work and they took him to A&E which resulted in his cancer diagnosis.
Apart from his elderly older sister, I'm his only relative. My mum (his ex-sister-in-law) has been helping me support him.
He hasn't been able to return to work and his 28 weeks of statutory sick pay are about to come to an end, so he'll only have his state pension. I've looked into it and he's too old to apply for PIP and when I tried to apply for pension credit for him it was turned down (perhaps due to the ssp that's about to end looking like wages going into his account, so we'll try to apply again when that stops).
Back in the summer he suddenly told me that he'd had an estate agent round to put his house on the market (his childhood home that my dad was born in, so he has no memory of ever living anywhere else). Both my mum and I advised him that it wasn't the right time to go through the stress and upheaval of a house sale and move while going through cancer treatment. He insisted that he needed to move into a retirement flat as that would be a more manageable size for him (true) and 'cheaper' (not true as although the council tax and utilities will be cheaper there'll be a £3k per year service charge that he's not been used to paying).
He doesn't understand any of the house sale solicitor stuff so my mum and I have been trying to help him with that. Yesterday he managed to lock himself out of his email account.
Question:
The last few times we've seen him to help him with paperwork/solicitor type stuff he's got frustrated and upset and said things along the lines of "I just want everything to end" or "I can't live like this for another three years."
My mum has told him before, and we've both told him both times we've seen him this week that he needs to tell his doctor how he's feeling and/or speak of Macmillan about how he feels about everything.
I don't think he's suicidal in the sense he has an actionable plan. He's previously told us over the last few years that after my dad died he "wanted to just kill himself" because he didn't know what to do without his brother.
We just don't know how to support him? My mum suggested that we could call the Macmillan helpline, but when I've spoken to them on chat about his work/finances they've told me to encourage him to call them himself... and I suspect that if we tell them he's saying he 'wants to end it all' they'll tell us to take him to A&E or call an ambulance if he's an imminent danger to himself.
How do you support someone in his sort of situation when his physical and mental health seems to be deteriorating?
