hi everyone ..
its been a couple of weeks since my husband was discharged from hospital
its been awful for both of us so far..hes angry that cancer is taking over his life ..frustrated that his body is letting him down and hes terrified that hes not going to be here much longer ...this is now affecting his mental health as hes become quite short tempered and demanding
the heat we have experienced this week is making him worse as any energy he has has gone to fight the cancer and he feels tired all the time ..we were advised to give him protein shakes and calories to help give him energy which we are doing ..problem is his appetite has gone due to the heat ...
my daughter keeps telling me he needs therapy but i cant see that helping at the moment ...i tried to tell her its because hes terrified and hes taking it out on me because he knows that i wont walk away from him ..ive accepted this and its hard but hes still the man i married and promised to love and support ..
but the mental strain of cancer on him ..everytime he coughs or cant do something he wants to do because of the cancer thats the hard part for him ..he keeps alternating with anger ..feeling sorry for what hes putting me through and sometimes selfishness in the way he talks ...i can only accept it and deal with ir as it happens because i know the cancer is talking if that makes sense ....
i do have my moments of wanting to walk away from it all but then i remember that its just as bad for him and we have to live with it as best we can
because he can only talk in a whisper he gets very frustrated and has insulted me quite nastily and i did feel i couldnt deal with it anymore ..but then i realised that all of this is down to him feeling scared and vunerable ..i couldnt walk away from him ..this is the part of cancer that no one really knows about i think .because cancer affects everyone differently and for him its the loss of control over his own life the feeling that hes dying and cant stop it .the regret that we are not going to be able to live the life we wanted ..i love him to bits and i hate seeing what cancer has done to him ...he keeps saying hes sorry about it all and i keep telling him not to give up we still have each other and we will fight til we cant fight anymore together ..
this is his 3rd bout of cancer and we were told its stage 4 cancer so its been difficult to take in ..
we are seeing the oncologist today and we are hoping he will be offered chemotherapy as a last resort ..
life has been challenging so far and i dont think its going to get any easier but we will keep fighting and hoping because thats all we can do ..
hope everyone has a good day today
