Hi everyone,
My best friend and I have known each other since we were 2 years old. She recently was diagnosed with cancer and has spent the last couple of months going through chemo. She has lost her hair and been very unwell, but has remained so strong during it all.
Tonight is the first time she has mentioned that she feels suicidal. There have been things happening recently that have piled on top of one another and I know she feels overwhelmed and like things won't get better. I am struggling to find the right things to say to her. I have felt suicidal myself in the past (but I'm lucky enough to have not been dealing with Cancer at the same time) so I know a lot of things people say doesn't always compute when they are trying to help. I feel like all the things I want to say to her sound cheesy and generic, whilst also trying not to make any of it about me and how much I would be devastated if she wasn't here. But I also worry that I won't say enough and it will seem like I'm not taking what she's saying seriously.
I don't feel she is in immediate danger, otherwise I would seek assistance for her right away. But even knowing that she is feeling/thinking that way is heartbreaking.
I imagine it is not uncommon for people with Cancer to have some thoughts like this, specially with treatment and feeling like things won't get better. But just wonder if anyone has some words of wisdom or has dealt with similar and can shed some light on how they dealt with it? I felt I was doing okay with supporting her as much as I could but this has really knocked me off balance.
Hoping everyone is well, and thanks for reading if you have :) x
Hello NinjaN
I’m Steph and I’m part of the Online Community Team here at Macmillan. May I wish you another warm welcome to the Community, although I’m sorry that circumstances bring you here.
I am so sorry to read about everything you’re going through with your best friend. Whilst you’re waiting for a reply from members, I hope you don’t mind me reaching out to offer some further support.
Hearing that someone you love is feeling suicidal is not easy and it’s understandable that this has left you feeling off-balance. It’s important that you feel well-supported too.
It’s good you are reaching out for some support from the Community, and I hope you’ll continue to do so. I’d encourage you to also use our Support Line to talk things through and you might also suggest to your friend that she gives us a call. We are here to support you both.
Our Support Line teams are available 7 days a week, 8am-8pm on freephone 0808 808 00 00, email or live webchat.
It is positive that your friend has confided in you about the way that she is feeling. The Samaritans have this information to help you with supporting her.
It’s not uncommon for people living with cancer to experience low mood and depression. You mentioned that your friend was feeling overwhelmed by a number of things at the moment so it’s really important that you encourage her to also seek professional support. You might want to reassure her that it’s not uncommon to feel like this and that there are people who are there to listen and help her through this.
Your friend’s GP and health care team at the hospital are there to help with the way she is feeling and any practical issues she is facing. There is lots of further support available and I will list some options below.
Please do not hesitate to call 999 if you are concerned that your friend might harm herself. There is some more information from the NHS here called ‘Help for suicidal thoughts’.
The ‘Supporting someone with cancer’ section of our website has lots of helpful information about how to support someone and find the right support for yourself.
Our pages on talking to someone about cancer might also be helpful for you if you’re worried that you might not be saying the right things.
I hope this is helpful whilst you're waiting for some peer support. Please do let us know if you have any questions or if you’d like some help using the Community or further help with anything at all.
