Father angry and in denial

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Hi all. My dad was diagnosed with prostate cancer that had moved into his bones in Sept 2021. The journey since then has been hard in places (he was in a wheelchair for some months before my brother found an amazing rehab clinic that helped him walk again, and he slipped on some steps and broke his hip) - but he has also been able to ‘live well’ for much of the last 4 years, thanks to treatment he responded well to, which has been the biggest blessing. However, right from the start when he was told this would shorten his life he has been angry and in denial about his illness. Whilst I can understand this, he’s now entering what are likely to be his final few months, and he’s still angry and can only seem to focus on all he can’t die (play football with his grandson) rather than all he can (sit and read story’s and look at nature books that they both love). I know he is frightened and scared - and worried for my mum and how she will cope without him (they’ve been married 55 years)…but I feel so sad that he can’t find some sort of peace (and acceptance?). Am I expecting too much? Has anyone else experienced this? I want to help or say something that will help  (my mum and I are both the open, emotionally intelligent Ines) but even he and my mum aren’t really talking about it. I just wish he could know that he isn’t alone - he isn’t a man used to talking about his feelings and I know I can’t force him to. Staying angry feels like it can only make the end harder for him, and all of us around him….thanks to anyone who might have thoughts or advice. 

  • Hi  

    Welcome to our community, I hope you find it both informative and supportive.

    Sorry to hear about your dad, it can be so difficult to talk about cancer even though we all hear "one in 2 in their lifetime" nobody really thinks it will be someone they know. Talking can help and we have quite a lot of information in our guide talking about cancer.

    Of course we also have to deal with our own emotions and I find your feelings when someone has cancer quite helpful.

    Do post on here whenever as someone is always listening and browsing on here and also in Testicular cancer forum can help to show there are many others on a similar path. Both of you are also welcome to use the helpline to chat to one of the staff there.

    <<hugs>>

    Steve

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