Toxic positivity and conversations about cancer

I must admit I get tired of being called a warrior!! You don't have a choice, you just get on with things as best you can. Sometimes well, sometimes not. 

Hi Gemmary. 

Thank you for sharing that with the forum. That is a very good point and something others need to be aware of. That kind of warrior or battle language is not helpful most of the times. 

Hello Dylan.

I have come to the point where communication with my partner who is going through Metestatic Cancer is becoming a challenge and I feel awful!

She was diagnosed with breast cancer 6 yesrs ago. A year ago she was told she had metistatic cancer in the bones. Since then she is taking medication to maintain the markers at an acceptable level and all scans and tests are looking positive.

With all the positive news, this appears to have had the opposite effect both mentally and physically. Yes, the side effects are not pleasant, mostly the diarrhoea and lack of energy. However, suddenly her whole outlook on life has deminished. She has lost the zest of life, it is almost as she is needing to be frail and sick. Perhaps it is my opinion but it is sad to see her deterioration. The questions and answers are always the same. Any suggestion of the smallest activity is a chore. Friends find it hard to visit and we see less and less of our friends.  I just feel trapped and helpless, not knowing how to get her motivated, feeling well or just taking care of her needs. I should mention that my partner has a great Oncologist and health team that see her on regular visits. 

I have retired from my job as a carer and taking care of the day to day chores at home. We live in a very picturesque part of Southern Spain with mountains as our backdrop but even the vistas and outdoor spaces goes unnoticed.

I have enormous guilt as I should know what to say or do. But now I am beginging to feel the need to hide under a rock and come out when I can cope! I am also finding it hard to be motivated. 

These last few months have been more difficult due to the extreme heat, its about time to get out and enjoy the outdoors! 

I'm not sure if  I am on the right forum. So please excuse the ramble. People tell me that my postscript is longer than my letter! Living in Spain can be challenging sometimes, as out lack of Spanish is a definate drawback. 

My hobbies are gardening,  hanging out with friends over great home cooked meals. Travelling, exploring Roman ruins and finding joy in everyday life. We have 3 rescue cats. It is difficult with the situation as it is now. 

My only living family, sister and son is in Canada. Apart from my partner's family, I have good friends that I see when time allows. They too have their own trials and hurdles to navigate!

Many thanks for reading!

P.S. I have made an appointment for myself to see our English family doctor, to ask if there is a support group of therapist I could hook into here in Spain.

Hi Lellyowl,

Thank you for taking the time to share some of what you have been going through with us. 

Its extremely difficult to see a loved one deteriorate in the way you have explained. It sounds like you have been going through a lot lately and its really good to read that you have made an appointment with your family doctor. They should be able to refer you to a therapist or support group. 

If you ever want too speak to someone at Macmillan about what you are going through, you can do so from outside the UK by calling our international number. Our support team are available 7 days a week, 8am-8pm on +44 207 091 2230 (if calling outside of the UK), email or live webchat. They are unable to advise on healthcare systems overseas. 

You may benefit from connecting with other Community members in our Family and friends forum. I can see on your profile that you have already joined this forum. If you'd like, you could start a new discussion by posting your reply there. 

I hope the visit to your family doctor is helpful and that you receive support and guidance you need. It would be great if you could keep us updated with how you and your partner get on.

* Please note that your full name was removed from your reply. We do not allow any use of full names on the forums for the safety of all members.