I’ve been really struggling with the recent news which was a big shock that my dad has cancer and for the last month I’ve just been a wreck. He has primary cancer they think in his liver but could be gallbladder or the bile duct. He has secondary bone cancer and has had an urgent operation less than 2 weeks after diagnosis to have a reverse shoulder replacement. It’s heartbreaking seeing my dad deteriorate in such a short space of time with the weightloss, lack of mobility, tiredness, lack of appetite etc. He lives 5 hours from me so when we meet up it usually involves nice meals and fun days out. I’m struggling to adjust to this change and I’m struggling knowing the reality.
They have said it’s incurable but hopefully treatable to hopefully make him comfortable. We are waiting on scan results, biopsy results & a prognosis. The waiting really really is hard.
Dad has gone through his will and made amendments which have caused family dramas, he’s discussing funeral plans so they are in place. He says he just wants to be comfortable to enjoy the time he has left. I am hoping it’s years and years but something tells me that won’t be the case.
Every day I feel numb, sad, angry, scared. I hate that this is our reality. I can’t imagine my life without him. He’s my best friend. My heart is breaking and I don’t know what to do. It sounds silly but I feel I don’t know how to speak to him at the moment because I don’t want to say the wrong thing. I just want to cuddle him as much as I can and tell him I love him. I hate that there’s nothing I can do to take this all away. I feel so alone in this. I hate the thoughts of what ifs and things he’ll miss out on in my future. I don’t feel strong enough to get through this but I know I need to be strong to support him.
Hi Hevs17ba8c50
Welcome to our community, I hope you find it both informative and supportive.
Sorry to hear about your dad, your reaction sounds very normal especially the bit about having to be strong - rather easier said than done in my experience.
When my wife was diagnosed she was very clear that she never wanted a prognosis and I really struggled with that as we had a young son. Her cancer is Leiomyosarcoma and quite rare so actually a meaningful prognosis would have been really difficult anyway and nobody would have guessed she would still be well 10 years later.
On talking - we have something of a guide here that might be helpful, sometimes people avoid talking altogether and that can make things extra difficult. It is also worth remembering who they are - not just a cancer patient!
I did a living with less stress course that really helped me, it is so easy to think of a dark future and miss out on enjoying today.
<<hugs>>
Steve
