Mum diagnosed - how do you process this?

Hi Daisy2323 

With my wife's cancer diagnosis - well I did badly until finally I did a living with less stress course with Maggies.

They helped me understand that thinking about "how long" was unhelpful and planning for how I would cope afterwards was robbing me of the enjoyment of now. That and of course nobody really know how long; my mum always used to say about wearing clean underwear just in case we got run over by a bus - as if the underwear would be clean at that point anyway.

The course also taught me conscious breathing exercises that are great when we get some unexpected bad news but also cool for helping me relax and get some sleep.

If we look at Your feelings when someone has cancer we can see how "normal" we are - sometimes it can help to recognize our feelings rather than letting them overcome us.

I find it really good on here - we can share our fears and perhaps that old saying about a trouble shared might just help.

<<hugs>>

Steve

Hi, it’s so hard, I feel for you. Just found out my sister has the same, so floundering as you are, I really hope they find a treatment plan for your mum, and that you have many years left together.

Hi daisy2323

Sorry to hear about this.  I am in exactly same situation with my mum she is newly diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer.   This diagnosis came completely out the blue and the past 8 weeks it’s been test after test.   It’s a rollercoaster of emotions the shock of it the anger, sadness, fear and unknown territory of it all.   Mum did not want to know any timescales etc she just wants to get on with it and enjoy her life and I’m actually quite glad about that as after being on here I’m finding that so many people are living a lot longer thanks to the treatment. 

My mum is my best friend and thought of her not being here is devastating it’s breaking my heart.      What I’m finding is being on here has helped me immensely your are talking to people going through this that really get it and are so supportive.      I’m learning to take one day at a time and not looking too far ahead and to make sure my mum is getting well looked after and being there for any practical and emotional support mum needs.     I have spoken to McMillan counsellors and also the nurses who  are a great. .    I know some people do one to one counselling too it’s not something I have done myself but there are options out there.       

I hope that helps a bit.   Take care xx

Hi Daisy2323 - sending you lots of hugs, this is a similar situation to myself. My mum was diagnosed with metastatic breast cancer in her bones 8 years ago - the main thing I remember from the original conversation was that incurable word - and we have been on a rollercoaster ever since. 

I have struggled to cope through the years, but the main advice I can give is to try to live in the moment and not think about the future. There will be challenging times ahead, but enjoy the good ones while they are there. As someone else has said, that "how long" is really difficult, especially when the answer in these cases is often "we have no idea". You will never regret the memories you build in the coming years, no matter "how long" you have 

Hi Daisy, I'm so sorry to hear this news, I'm in the same situation, mum has been diagnosed with bone cancer , it's uncureable but treatable, she went for chemo 2 weeks ago, all was going well until she contracted Cold Sepsis, I thought we were going to lose, she was so ill , but she came out a week later.

Hospital deferred her next cycle until she is well enough but I don't know if they will continue with it, she has had sepsis before, I'm absolutely dreading tomorrow with the oncologist, I cry most days for hours worrying about it, she is my absolute world

I wish your mum and you all the luck in the world, time is so precious, hold on and keep strong xxx

So sorry to hear that Bex - it’s just so cruel isn’t it and my heart breaks for you and anyone else in this situation. My Mum is my best friend, and not sure how I would cope without her. 
Wishing you so much luck too, and hope the appointment tomorrow goes as well as it can  xx

Thanks Emmy - that has given some hope that your mum is 8 years on, as much as there will have been many ups and downs along the way I’m sure. All we can do is hope for more time and memories, and to try and get past it overcoming our thoughts  xx

It's just so unfair , I feel bitter and angry that its happening to her, anytime you want to talk I'm here and this forum helps so much thank you for replying xx

Thank you Binijac - and so sorry to hear of your situation too. It is so hard as you say, but I have found it helpful to talk to others in the same situation, as much as I’d rather nobody be in this situation. 
I may speak to the Macmillan counsellors and see where that goes - I has been toying with the idea but have been so focused on my mum have forgotten about me a bit, which I know isn’t helpful either. 
let’s hope the treatment allows us much more time with our mums  x

I agree, I just wish so much that things were different and one day we all wake up from this nightmare xx