Hi all, im starting to reach the end of my capabilities with being there for everyone.
I'm 39, single and live alone. I have two brothers who are local and have their own families.
Dad was diagnosed with terminal lung cancer on 1/5/25 and was given two months. This was a shock and I dont think I've yet processed it. He's doing as ok as he can and has surpassed the dates - I know these are indications. But to me, I worked out how many weekends, how many weeks and days. My brain went into survival mode to help everyone else without really acknowledging what this means and how I feel.
Watching dad in pain, trying to do my best for him, get him out if I can. Making memories. Of course I do what I can, but feel very relied upon and feel guilty for writing this but I need a break.
To add to this, my mum has bipolar. She needs care herself bathing and cooking. Ive suggested someone else helps her bath but she's not open to anyone else. She's really really low at the moment. My dad doesn't know what to do with her, and I know what I need to do, get her out, but I need them to tell me what they need.
I can't guess, and its painful.
Ive been signed off work because of my own mental health, I've had 3 weeks to sort myself out but instead have been running around for them, taking them out daily, doing what I can. It's all getting too much and they make me feel guilty if I try and make plans to see my friends or do something over than seeing them.
I dont want this to be happening, I dont want to be going through this - we are all heartbroken and torn between helping them. But trying to look after ourselves. I get messages daily asking what my plans are - i can't make plans because I dont know when they need me, and automatically feel the pressure from the moment im awake.
I'm going back to work on Monday, partly so I can say im busy and trying to have some normality. But then I worry what they're going to do...
Are these feelings normal? I love them both very much and will always do what I can for them, and I dont want any regrets, but its a lot and my cup is now overflowing. I feel guilty if I take a step back. I have no more space currently to even put me first.
Thanks for reading, I guess I need to get this off my chest. I know boundary setting is good. But the guilt eats away at me as they rely solely on me much more.
