Feeling lost

Hi liza1422

If we look at Your feelings when someone has cancer it is easy to see the vast range of emotions everyone goes through when they hear about cancer in their family.

I know I struggled and eventually broke. Some excellent people at Maggies and on here helped to pick me back up and mostly get me managing. Then I did a living with less stress course that really helped me. Living in the here and now is helpful, conscious breathing is helpful to deal when life throws yet another curveball.

So yes - you make perfect sense. It helps when there is a treatment plan in place to know where we might be going.

<<hugs>>

Steve

Hi liza1422

Ive been having some similar feelings to the ones you describe since getting the news too. I can’t seem to focus on a task for longer than a few minutes before my mind wanders. I flit between emotions and for the first time know what people mean when they say ‘brain fog’. Your message said about solidarity so I guess I’m saying I hear you. 

I’ve found the page linked in the message from src60 really helpful in unpicking some of my feelings and reactions so far, as well as some good tips for self care and where I might go for help.

I’m sorry we all find ourselves on here but I’m grateful there is somewhere for us to come together 

x

Thank you both for your replies - I’m sorry you’re having to deal with similar things but as you say grateful for this community, it helps to talk to others! Thinking of you and take care 

You describe exactly how I am feeling. It is reassuring to know I am not alone or going mad

Not at all. It's reassuring to know other people are having similar experiences but also I'm sad that you are as I wouldn't wish this on anyone - here if you want to chat

It is so hard, he is my soul mate and we share pretty much everything, he gives the best cuddles. but I am struggling to tell him how I am feeling as I know he feels bad enough already. Does that make sense? So you feel quite lonley

It does make sense. I've found myself feeling really lonely this last week since finding out even though I'm surrounded by other people telling me they're there for me. And I don't feel like I can talk to my sister about it because she's dealing with everything differently and it won't help her for us to talk at the moment. And I can't tell my mum how I feel (who is the person I would always tell) because she feels bad enough and doesn't need to be worrying about how I'm feeling. She needs to concentrate on her treatment. 

Do you have anyone else around you that you could reach out to? I mean it's easier said than done but might be able to help?

Exactly the same.  We have three daughters but I don't want to burden them so they feel like they cannot talk to me - he is there Dad so they are struggling enough. One gets amrried next April and the yongest May 24, I am scared for them that he won't be there for that.
Loads of friends are "here for us", will do "anything to help", but it is the lonely nighttime hours when you are alone with your thoughts and you can't go calling friends at 1am - that may be pushing it a bit much!
Some people have suggested talking to the GP

I'm thinking of going to the GP if my sleep doesn't get better - I work full time but since finding out I haven't been sleeping properly so I'm not concentrating at work, and also finding it harder to regulate my emotions (crying every day). And yeah its the hours at night that are the worst, and when I'm on my own and haven't got every minute filled with something to occupy my mind. 

It's hard trying to balance how much to say and not with other family - My sister gets married next June (she's younger than me) so we're hoping Mum will be ok for that, to be honest that might actually be one of the things that is helping a little in our case - I think its a different focus for Mum to talk about something other than her illness, and something to aim for, But I know everyone's circumstances are really different. 

Oh my, you are exactly the same as me!  I work too, and so far work have been great, but I know I am not focusing properly and I am not sleeping either. I cry far too often, often try and lock myself away to do so....

How long have you known and what is the prognosis (if you don't mind me asking)

My husband had a cough for a few months, went to GP who got an xray and then a scan and in the space of a month we know he has a 9cm lung tunour, with more in bones and lymoh glands and it is incurable.  We still don't have a treatment start date despite getting the treatment plan from the oncologist 10 days ago where she said within 3 weeks! I've been made aware there is a shortage of chemo (true or false not sure) and it feels like they are prioritising others with more chance over him - totally negative I know! also irrational.... 

We have been told 6 months at worst, 3 years at best