Father of the bride

So sorry to read your post. I am sure the wedding will be incredibly emotional for you all. Best wishes

So sorry to hear about your daughter. I have been in a sort of 'reverse' of this situation where we tried to expedite my wedding so that my dad, who was diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer, could be there. Sadly he declined rapidly and we didn't go ahead but maybe I can share some insight into my thoughts.

I think the main thing I'd say is that you shouldn't feel you have to be the stoic or brave one. This is going to be one of the most emotional days of your life. If you're planning a speech, perhaps you could give a trusted friend/relative a copy of it in case you are too emotional to read it.

Has your daughter shared her thoughts on how she'd like the day to go and perhaps what she sees your role as being? I'm wishing you all the very best at what must be an incredibly difficult time.

Thank you for your insight, and sorry to read about your father. Sadly the loss of a parent to this awful disease before a wedding seems to be the more 'usual' way it happens and must cast a shadow over the day. I will probably say a few words but the usual speeches will I hope be toned down.  It's even more difficult for her mum. who will get the results of her PET scan the day before the wedding.  

One thing I am determined about is whatever happens on the day the "c" word is banned.  Thanks again

Hi Gunnar, I just wanted to check in and ask how you are doing? 

So kind of you to ask.

What can I tell you about the wedding. I don't think I can post pics here but my daughter looked beautiful.  The wedding ceremony was at a Hotel in Eastbourne which has a gazebo overlooking the sea. There are some pics on their facebook page of Emma and Matt.

  First of all everyone at the venue, the Hydro Hotel pulled out all the stops.  The registrars at Redbridge and Eastbourne were brilliant and just this week the photographer gifted us the photos (more tears). 

My daughter who had been on crutches chose a walking stick. It was about 50 m to the gazebo, after they  stopped the music because her sister who was maid of honour had a moment, we set out. I said to my brave daughter, you don't need the stick, and together with me supporting her we walked to the gazebo.  I wish I could post pics for you.

The weather was kind and all in all it is a cherished memory.  Sadly  the day before the wedding my wife was told there was a suspected recurrence (now confirmed) of her cancer and in addition the PET scan showed three tumours in her breast.  Her Chemo starts  on the 12th September. My daughter is still the nurse.

Sadly my daughter was rushed into hospital two weeks ago and is now on oxygen in a hospice.  She is in a lot of pain, and very uncomfortable.  She says she will 'soon be in heaven'.   I spoke to her nurse today who said, 'she had had enough. 'We are heart broken her new husband (though partner for many years) is with her which is a comfort.

Thank you so much for asking and following up.  As her sister, who we have never heard swear and is gentle soul, says, 'f....ing cancer'.

bw

Gunnar

Hi Gunnar,

Thanks so much for sharing your update. Your initial post really touched me and I’d been wondering how you were all doing. Having lost my dad to cancer I think 'f....ing cancer' sums it up well.

Your daughter’s wedding sounded beautiful, what a special day it must’ve been. I’m sure it was incredibly emotional but you’ll treasure those memories - especially walking with her to the gazebo - forever.

I’m so sorry to hear about your wife’s cancer recurring. Isn’t it horrible how life chucks everything at us all in one go. It’s clear though that your daughter and your wife are surrounded by so much love.

Sending you all my very best wishes and strength. Always here if you want to chat, you know where I am. X

Hello again @strawberry_lemonade,

Sadly my daughter passed away last night.

We all knew she was very poorly but she had started to make progress at the hospice.  She could stand, with great effort to give us a hug, and last Wednesday even managed to walk across the room, with a walker, to the en-suite.  She was so proud and we were awed by her courage.  We left on a high that day, there had been talk of a family meeting to arrange her discharge and we were so excited that it looke like she was coming home. 

Then, on Thursday her rapid decline began, at first we all thought she had overdone it with the physio, she was so determined. She told us the physio said that day would be 'a rest day' but her condition just went from bad to worse. She was in so much pain and distress, on Sunday her mum only saw her for a couple of minutes, I didn't see her at all. Emma told her sister that she did not want to upset us. She told her mum ' remember me on my wedding day but not like this '.  Then on Monday her mum had her second round of chemo, an all day treatment for her.  During the day Emma lost consciousness. We got home about 630 and were told to go in to the hospice. We all spent the evening holding hands her husband, her sister or 'wingman' as Emma called her, and her mum and dad. We told her how much she was loved and how we would miss her, I'm certain Emma gripped my hand in hers as we talked.

Yesterday we spent all day at her bedside. Her sister was on the 'night shift' and when the nurses changed shifts at 10pm we knew they would have things to do. So we decided to leave rather than disturb everyone twice. Her sister stayed and her exhausted husband was trying to rest.  We kissed Emma good night, and the hospice said they would ring if there was any change.

Her sister later said it was as though Emma knew it was over and she just wanted to make sure she did not cause her mum and dad any distress.  As soon as we had gone her breathing slowed and her sister who had also been so brave through these las few days said I doubt you had left the car park when she slipped away. Within twenty minutes we got the call at home and were soon back at her bedside

Our daughter looked so peaceful and calm after so much pain. We stayed for a couple of hours to see her on her final journey.  Many, many tears but it seemed as if her professionalism had kicked in and she wanted to make sure mum's treatment was not interuppted before she finally gave in to this wretched disease. 

Rest easy now my darling daughter, I adored you. We will always remember you on your wedding day and so much more besides. Forever in our hearts.

@Gunnar, I am so sorry for your loss, I’m devastated for you and your family. 

You must be feeling every kind of emotion at the moment, as was I when my dad died - I felt a whole mixture of emotions in those early days. Numbness, shock, relief he was at peace, heartbreak, and my emotions seemed to flip every two minutes.

Throughout your posts on here the complete love and adoration you have for your daughter has shone through more than anything. She was clearly surrounded by so much love right until the very end, and she will have felt that love surrounding her. You’ll treasure the memory of walking her down the aisle forever. I am so glad you all that magical day together and I hope it offers you some comfort in the hardest of times.

I imagine you may feel you want to be strong, especially for your wife, but please do reach out for support, there are some great resources such as Cruse Bereavement and I’m always more than happy for to listen/chat. Xx 

Thank you 

Hi Gunnar, I thought I’d send a message to ask how you’re doing, I know it’s been a few months since we last messaged. I’ve been thinking of you and your family.